HOUSTON, Tx — On Thursday, deputies responded to a disturbance at the WingStop located in the 2500 block of FM 1960 Road. Witnesses said the suspect fled in a vehicle. Responding Constable Deputies quickly located the vehicle nearby and conducted a traffic stop. The driver was identified as Tommye Nichols and was found to be in possession of a firearm.
Deputies say Tommye Nichols became upset due to his food not being ready and threatened to shoot everyone at the business. Witnesses said he walked to his car and retrieved a handgun and returned to the business, demanded his food and his money back and continued to make threats.
Boston, MA – Damn, this dude hungry. Also, this dude have massive rage issues, but, that’s the me-me-me “I want everything right now” society we’ve created, so now we all get to live in it. I guess my idea of a disturbance is different than the cops, because a disturbance to me is when a raccoon goes thru your garbage, not when someone threatens to kill a roomful of innocent bystanders. The thing is, if we’re being honest with ourselves, we’ve all been Tommye Nichols at one point or another. You’re hungry, you want your chicken wings, you place the order, and really anything beyond two minutes at a fast food joint and it’s like “what the FUCK is going on back there?” I mean, it’s wings, it’s hot oil, you drop the wings in the oil and they come out in the same amount of time you would expect from a Pop Tart, it’s not that hard. But then, we’ve all been people who work IN a place like the Wing Stop, and it’s one high or drunk asshole after the other, somehow looking down their nose at you even though their own miserable life and poor decisions brought them here in the first place. So, you can kind of understand the workers being like “we’ll get to it when we get to it”, and I suspect this attitude will continue even after they get a preposterous pay hike to $15 an hour.
Oh, and hey, this might come across as kind of a public service announcement, but here’s a little suggestion for the future: If someone becomes so unraveled over a miniscule issue like a tardy order of chicken wings, and they threaten to go out to their car to retrieve a gun so they can come back in and kill everyone? That’s usually a good indication it’s time for you to run for your fucking life. Even if there’s a door with a sign that says “Employees Only”, you can pretty much ignore every day rules when you’re about to be murdered, so go right ahead and cut thru the kitchen. Take me, for example, I would have picked up an occupied baby stroller and thrown it thru a plate glass window to make my escape. I can tell you right now that I would not have stuck around to be a witness for this story, I mean, how does that even happen:
Witness 1 (waiting for wings): “hey, did you hear that guy screaming about how he was going to kill everyone in here because his buffalo wings weren’t ready?”
Witness 2 (also waiting for wings, but also looking at their phone): “whut? oh, yeah, bro has no chill.”
Witness 1: “Well, not only does he have no chill, but it looks like he’s getting something shiny out of the trunk of his car rn. oh hey, wow, do you think that’s the gun he was threatening us about a few minutes ago?”
Witness 2: “bro, I was going to get the Carolina Reaper sauce on my wings, but last time I had those here, I took a wet hot dump that felt like a magician was pulling thirty handkerchiefs out of me. So, I ended up with the ghost pepper sauce, but like, what even are ghost peppers, are those like jalapenos that have died? lol. Anyway, what were you saying about being threatened with senseless murder?”
Summary: Tommye Nichols was arrested and his bond was set at $60,000, or, roughly the equivalent of 120,000 breaded chicken tenders (sauce not included.)
To any of our readers in Houston, be on the lookout for this motherclucker: