Boston, MA – Tim Tebow’s Penis told his agent, Drew Rosenhaus, the sports agent to many other dicks, that it would declare itself eligible for worldwide top-rated poontanna immediately following tonight’s loss to the New England Patriots. Rosenhaus gave a brief statement to the gathered media throng outside the Broncos locker room.
Said Rosenhaus, “I received a text message late last evening. It was from Tim’s Penis. As you can imagine, it was somewhat cryptic, given the fact it can only type messages by bouncing its’ helmet off the keypad. I’ve suggested many times that it employ iPhone or Android technology, which would allow for swiping, but Tim’s Penis is currently under an endorsement contract with Blackberry. Nevertheless, the message was this: ‘GNA GIT LAD, CNT WT!’ So, naturally, before addressing the media on behalf of Tim’s Penis, I called it to verify and said “I’ve received your text. If you meant to type “Gonna get laid, can’t wait!”, please hit one now. Tim’s Penis then pressed “one”, indicating that it has every intention to get laid, and, with the exclamation point, one can only assume that means sooner rather than later.”
Rosenhaus would not comment if Tim Tebow’s Penis would spend time courting a young lady, or simply thrust itself into the first vacancy (of which there are many) it should come across following the game. When pressed, Rosenhaus concluded “Look, Tim’s Penis is attached to a young, rich, world famous athlete. If it wants to go on a five minute vacation somewhere it’s hot and humid, there is literally nothing anyone can do to stop it. “