My Wife Just Told Me “Big Eyebrows Are
In This Year” And She Is Fucking Wrong

"I'm not a huge fan of the eyebrows, but I wouldn't kick her off the raft from Cuba."

Boston, MA – I’ve spent a fair amount of time and energy sugarcoating my titles to make us more Facebook friendly, but there is no longer any reason to care. Not only does the freedom of titling my posts however I want maintain my artistic integrity, but the Facebook likes weren’t happening anyway, so what’s the fucking difference? You’re probably thinking “But Martin, what do you mean sugarcoating, two days ago you posted ‘It’s Not Illegal To Jerk Off In A Tanning Bed, Right?” and to that I can only say “touché.”

Now, this is one of those times where I have to admit something awful about myself in order to make a point: I am watching Americafuckin Idol right now and I not only hate myself, but I also hate you now for knowing that. To be fair to me, I watch so rarely that I didn’t notice Jennifer Lopez was growing pube-apillars over her eyes. I literally said “what the fuck is going on with J-Lo’s eyes?” and my wife said “oh, big eyebrows are in this summer.” Women are so cute sometimes, right? I won’t list them out because people have been telling me my blogs are too long, but I will type out, in order, what is really in this summer: large breasts that you’d want to eat sherbet off of, awesome ass for slappy dappy time, nice legs, all or most limbs, and even though having a head isn’t always important, nice hair and I guess a smile and both eyes.

Jesus Christ, now we’re watching this guy, Deandre Brackensick, who may or may not know it yet, but there will come a time in his life when he’s welcoming two dangling balls into his mouth and they may not even belong to the same person, if you catch my drift. Seriously, figure out that math and come up with your own conclusion. Anyway, I guess that’s why I’ve nicknamed him ‘The Jamaican Clay Aiken.’

In closing, for those of you not familiar with J-Lo, she was married to that Spanish, sorry, “Latin” (spanish) singer that looks kind of like E.T., if E.T. had a wonderful singing voice but also looked like a Mexican Leprechaun. If you were just thinking “I’d love to take part in creating a joke about Mexican Leprechauns” holy shit do I have just the poll for you.

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