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Officers’ Balls Found In Parking Lot

Boston, MA – Leave it to Wicked Improper to break yet another exclusive story. Our continued coverage of “Operation Balls Blown Off” reveals even more photos from the crime seen in Beverly, MA. For some of you, the pictures will provide closure and answers to the question “What ever became of Officer Lantych’s testicles?” For others, the images you are about to see below may cause you think twice before eating Tuesday night meatballs.

For those of you unaware of this story, this case appears to be a classic love triangle, where one cop was ‘allegedly’ making the dirtiest of love to another cops wife. Then, per the Insanity Handbook, that cop went haywire and instead of just divorcing that cunt, he opted to go on a rampage before turning the gun on himself.

Anyway, the balls will be on display in a Vlasic pickle jar at the Peabody Essex Museum in Salem. The Curator of the museum asks that you respect the jar and refrain from making obvious “balls found in a parking spot” jokes such as “I wonder if you have to feed two meters for that?” and “If you go to park your RV but someone tells you to hold up because you might squash their balls, you might be a redneck.” For those of you that are interested in this Balls Exhibit, 10% of all proceeds will go towards new balls implants for Officer Lantych, and the taxpayers of Massachusetts will naturally pick up the difference.

(Exhibit B shows where the balls were found and gathered with a set of chopsticks from the China Jade.)


"Exhibit B"

(Exhibit P appears to show a penis broken in two by bullet fragments. That evidence was secured and carried away in two Glad sandwich bags.)

"Exhibit P"

4 Responses to “
Officers’ Balls Found In Parking Lot

  1. met says:

    That’s some good work Lou.

    –Police Chief Wiggim

  2. truth says:

    Heard half the penis is still stuck up Katie’s AZZ

    • Martin says:

      If you are a credible witness or source of information, we want to hear from you.

      If you are not credible or a little shaky on the details, we still want to hear from you.

      Would you meet me somewhere public to discuss, like Nicks Roast Beef, or Starbucks?

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