Boston, MA – Well, I’m off to kind of a weird start this morning. My wife whipped open the shower curtain to find me just kind of tugging at it, trying to stretch it out while daydreaming about what it would be like to have elephant trunk-like control with my dick. It would be amazing, not to mention quite the time-saver, if it could reach over and grab the soap to wash its’ own berries while I shampoo my hair. Your daydreams might be different, but in mine I command it to rinse me off at the end like I’m getting powerwashed, and then I give it a few peanuts. Anyway, I don’t know if it can be attributed to the steam or the changing of the Seasons, but my dick hasn’t looked this long since I took it out in front of one of those silly mirrors at Chuck E. Cheese.
Which brings us to this week’s “Wednesday Wouldya?” For those of you that read us from the middle of nowhere, like North Carolina, the Texas Panhandle, and Fall River, you may not have heard of NESN’s Jenny Dell. So far, she’s been one of the bright sp(o)(o)ts of the 2012 Boston Red Sox. This could be the easiest “Wouldya?” in Wicked Improper History, but quite frankly, I didn’t feel like doing a Google Image search for a one-eyed shemale today. I’m in too good a mood from this morning’s stretch. Anyway, per usual, I’ll start us off and let you know how I voted…..drumroll…..I would. Yep, I know, shocker. Her body is in tip-top shape, so you know she’s not eating unnecessary carbs with Summer just around the corner like most of you. I ‘almost’ can’t get past her Tom Brady-like bumchin dimple, but I bet she’s cool and would let you cover it with your iPad2 to watch videos of girls making out. Anyway, this seems like the perfect opportunity to re-release my hit single “Baboosh”, which is really a poem about Jenny that just so happens to be set to music. (Hit ‘Play’ and then send this to everyone you know while it’s free for a limited time.)