Are We Being Dicked By Shia LaBeouf?

"No One Remembers The Chick In Transformers 3"

CNN (where else?): Shia LaBeouf: “Credibility over money, please!“ By now you should be confident that Shia LaBeouf has a “by any means necessary” approach to acting. Having unsimulated sex, trying some moonshine … he’s willing to do it if it’ll get him in character. It’s all part of an approach that his “Lawless” director John Hillcoat referred to in an interview with USA Today as “Method-like.” So in order to prepare for his role in 2013′s “The Necessary Death of Charlie Countryman,” LaBeouf set aside a day for a quick acid trip. “There’s a way to do an acid trip like ‘Harold & Kumar,’ and there’s a way to be on acid,” the 26-year-old actor told USA Today. “What I know of acting, Sean Penn actually strapped in to that [electric] chair in ‘Dead Man Walking.’ These are the guys that I look up to.” LaBeouf’s been on a quest to show and prove lately, denouncing the studio system that brought forth his blockbuster franchise, “Transformers,” in favor of independent storytelling. Speaking with the newspaper, he said he’d also denounce the paychecks that came with that success. “If I could give the money back and get all the credibility in the world that I’m seeking, I would do it tomorrow,” he said. “In a heartbeat.”

Plum Island, MA – What a dick. “If I could give the money back”, followed by the vaguest, most immeasurable statement ever recorded: “All the credibility in world that I’m seeking.” (In other words, “under no circumstances am I giving the money back.”) So, that has to be a new term for “unlimited pussy”, right? It’s not enough to just be a rich and famous actor anymore, now you need women to declare that you’re so very credible before they slobble your ganoozle from under the craft services table? Can you imagine the conversation with this guy during love-make?

Some fame whore: “oh, Shia, do it, blast a load on my face that would make Optimus Prime jealous!”

Shia: “SAY I’M CREDIBLE! GIVE ME ALL THE CREDIBILITY IN THE WORLD AND WATCH MY FIVE-INCH DECEPTICON DO METHOD ACTING ALL OVER YOUR SALINE!”

Pssht, “method acting.” What he knows of acting, Sean Penn actually strapped into the electric chair? Wow, that’s a lot of knowledge. For $5 million, you can strap me into the electric chair, and I’ll even let you slowly simmer my testicles by turning it on halfway. People are probably wondering if I’m a Method Blogger or just naturally gifted. All I can tell you is that when I’m tickling the ol’ keyboard ivories, it feels like my fingers are enjoying themselves at the world’s smallest amusement park.

Good day.