Chicago, IL (Home of Steve Bartman) – This video reminds me that I don’t think I could let a chick blow me and a friend at the same time. You just know your helmets are inevitably going to touch. And just before they do, you have to imagine time would grind to a halt, almost like slow-motion, as she guides the heads closer together, kind of like when Elliott and E.T. touch fingertips. You’d just be standing there, like “nooooooooooooooo” and try to slap the helmets away, but then you run the risk of making other guy penis contact with your hand. Then your friend would tell all of your buddies that you touched his dick and maybe even embellish by saying you liked it and tugged it a few times even though you didn’t. You can’t control what people say about you when you’re not around, but you’ll know something is up if you notice a severe decrease in high-fives and fistbumps. Become suspicious if your friends start greeting you by waving.