Boston, MA – While you sat there at your desk, doing a job you hate to make money for someone else’s company, I was getting fingerbanged by my Primary Care Physician. Yep, this is the same guy that walked in on me last year, lying in his office trying to weigh my meat on his floor scale (2.6 pounds!) Anyway, don’t bother writing or commenting with your well wishes, everything went fine and there are no lumps on my testicles or my prostate. If I had to (HAD TO) pick a favorite part, it’s the ice-breaker right after he takes off his stinky glove and throws it into a “Biohazard” bin, which is really just a trash barrel with a nifty sticker on it. “So, how’s everything else in your life going?” Well, actually, I had a pretty good stretch going there, that is, until you put your hand so deep in my ass I thought you’d be able to operate me like a Muppet. You just fondled my berries and took my ass virginity and you didn’t even have to take me to The Outback first. I don’t want to talk about my life outside of here. I want to go home and hug my mother.