Boston, MA – By now, everyone knows about Michelle Kosilek, the hot female inmate at MCI Concord who’s lobbying to upgrade from cock to pussy on the taxpayers dime. I’ll be honest, I am in favor of this operation and I don’t care how much it costs us. I would rather see 20 grand go to a new perfectly mounted pussy than watch road crews fill potholes on the way to Deval’s summer home. I have so many questions about this new pussy you don’t even get it. Let’s start with day one after the operation. You know how inmates spend the majority of their days pounding their meat, I mean, there’s only so many games of “Go Fish” you can play. So, first eye open, this guy/girl is going to reach down, and instead of grabbing his tired old rod, he’s going to find himself wrist-deep in his brand spanking new vagina. What the FUCK. You talk about a good place to either hide contraband or help you perform magic tricks. Now I can almost hear the wheels spinning in your head. Who is the guard that draws the short straw to put on a rubber glove and check this new pussy for drugs? Is this procedure called a Dicktelectomy or a Vaginioplasty? Not to get all Matrix on you, but can he taxidermy his own dick and use it to dill himself out later on? Who has to place the order for the vagina, and do they do it online? Is it a vagina from a dead body? Is it a dead vagina, you guys? Brought back to life? When the doctor is sewing this new pussy on, will he have no other choice but to think “well, here we go, 12 years of medical school and training, the culmination of which amounts to putting this pussy on so it can get pounded by 4,000 dicks in Concord”? Who is this doctor that decided to forgo the quest to find a cure for cancer and instead opted to specialize in hacking dicks off into a pickle jar?
Doctor: “I want everybody to remain professional during this procedure. Save your “let’s use his testicles to play beer pong” jokes for the lunchroom. Just kidding! Nurse, pass me the Sawzall and everybody else get your iPhones ready, I’m about to rip this guy’s dick off.”
In closing, I think I can speak for all of us when I say that if you were in prison for life, you would consider getting your dick lopped off and a pussy put on, if for no other reason than to give your asshole a rest. Please show some decency and respect for Michelle’s new pussy by casting your vote below. And remember, none of this would have ever been possible if he didn’t murder his wife to begin with.