This Is Exactly What It Looks Like To Drive Drunk In A Tractor

Boston, MA – Well, before you watch the video, I should warn you that it takes place in Russia where nearly everyone is drunk and involved in the mafia and/or awful porn (i.e. bad lighting, no close-ups on money shots, the women are hit and appear to be forced into it, etFc.) Also, not to shoot spoilers all over your face, but I really don’t see why this video had to take a violent turn. Is this guy driving a tractor with a blood alcohol content of 100% on a busy street in broad daylight and I suppose yes he could have killed somebody? Absolutely. Did he rip quarter-panels and fenders off parked cars on one side of the street and then plow into a delivery truck on the other side? You betcha. But while you sit up there on your power-steering’d high horse, like a Lexus IS-250, I’d like to see you try to operate a three ton Caterpillar with one blown tire after drinking a gallon of Russian Standard. Anyway, I guess they do things a little different over there, because instead of just exchanging papers and going on with your day like we do, random people show up out of nowhere to beat the shit out of the driver. Also, if French is the language of love, then Russian has to be the language of sopped panties. Ladies, feast your eyes on this. “Привет давайте все по очереди перфорирование это прошлой неделе!” (loose translation: My trouser puppet would like to hibernate in your hairy cavern)