Boston, MA, New York, NY – The following is an excerpt from Derek Jeter’s diary.
“What up, Diary? Broke my left ankle. Good news though, I don’t have to do shit now. It’s been like 18 years of playing in the post-season. Sometimes I wish I played for Kansas City so my vacations would last 6 months instead of 2. I’m getting a lot of well wishes and Tweets and shit, but everything gonna be a’ight. Ready for some good news? When I have sex, my right leg/foot is my dominant side. That’s where I get a lot of my thrust power from, so it’s business as usual, in terms of destroying pussies. The strength of my core muscles coupled with the drive off my rear foot is what made me successful my entire career, whether it’s driving in the game winning run by slapping a single to the opposite field, or smacking my dick off an actresses face. I’ve fucked eleven thousand chicks, and if you ask any one of them they’ll tell you I have a tendency to deliver the meat from the right side. So, any chick you ask would be like “Yeah, Derek bring his dick in from the right. That’s where his giddy up comes from. His pivoting is very reminiscent of Kevin McHale down in the low post. His dick is in you, then you feel his foot digging into the floor almost like Usain Bolt in the blocks before the 100 meter and you know it’s go time. When Derek is pounding your useless, anonymous pussy, you know you’re going to be out the door within 15 minutes, but at least you get two memories. One of them is Derek fucking you with the power from his right foot, and the other is how much memorabilia you can fit into your purse before his bodyguards escort you out. It’s actually so hot to be in the presence of someone that rich and famous you secretly wish his condom would break.” They would say some shit like that. And you know me, Diary, fucking isn’t even my favorite thing. Early in my career? Yeah, I loved putting my dick into chicks all over the continental United States and beyond. That’s the real reason you sign on for the Olympics. But you know my real favey fave? Lying there on 1,000 thread count sheets and having anywhere from 2 to 17 chicks take turns sucking my dick. That’s when you know you’ve really made it. When you can fill a room with 20 girls that all want to lather your dick into a frenzy with their mouths, that’s pretty special. Does that take something away from really getting to know someone, when it’s just she and I on a dinner date, and all I can think about is her and 19 of her friends taking turns slurpling my ganoozle until I erupt like Mount Gushmore? Yeah, it does, but I’ll somehow get over it. lol. So for now, while I recover, it’s going to be all about me and my dick. It’s just gonna be us time. There are a few places we’ve always wanted to shoot cum from. I can totally see us taking a romantic trip to France and calling out “Bonsoir Paris!” while we blast jism from the top of the Eiffel Tower and frost some guys’ beret down below. Also, I’ve always wanted to blast a load from an airplane and then skydive after it with a couple of models. We could chase it down like Johnny Utah going after Bodhi in Point Break, and when we catch up I would have them gobble it or maybe just smash their faces into it. Before you say there is no romance in that please keep in mind that it’s my treat.
To be continued…
