Not verbatim, but here’s the gist from Cnn.com – Joran Van Der Sloot banged some slut in Peru.
Peru – Joran Van Der Sloot, the guy from Aruba who you’ll recall has pretty serious relationship issues, somehow got yet another woman to spread her legs and allowed him to thrust his Danish pecker into her. And this time, you can’t blame the guy for not pulling out. When you’re in prison, you never know when your next pussy piece is coming (from a female anyway), so you may as well hammer away until the tickling stops. Yes, I am aware of how popular the facial is, but it’s harder than you think to dismount, run around front, and get in the perfect position for launching like they do in the porns. Those are trained professionals. In a perfect world, you’d have enough time to say “Pardon me, would you have any White Poupon?” and then let ‘er fly, but the average male does not have that kind of control. That’s why, despite the popular opinion of every guy to ever watch porn, no, not “anyone” can do it. Their onscreen jism precision inspired me to think of a porn title called “The Hunt For Red Cocktober”, and in a fitting tribute to the famous periscope scene in the original, an actor would wink morse code with his penis hole to literally telegraph the arrival of the money shot.
Anyway, at the time this blog was published, Joran’s win-loss record stands at 2-0, with both victories coming by way of TKO (Terminal Knock Out.) Thanks to lax security and the unsupervised visits in Peruvian prison, Joran remains upbeat that he will get the chance to one day kill another human being with his own bare hands.