Meat Pounder In The News! (Yes, again)

"Hola! Soy un triturador de carne!" ("Hello, I am a meat pounder!")

Boston – MBTA Transit Police report arresting a man they say “manipulated himself” in front of a woman at Tufts Medical Center on Oct. 6 when the woman saw him again last night at the Orange Line station. Police say Juan Pena, 23, started his subway interlude on Oct. 6 by piggybacking his way into the station. Then: [He] proceeded over to the victim with his pants unzippered and was manipulating himself. The female victim screamed and attempted to walk away from the male, however he followed close behind her the entire time masturbating. The victim contacted Transit Police and reported the incident. Last night, around 8:20, police say, the woman entered the station and saw the guy on the platform. She immediately contact police, who, after she IDed him, arrested him on a charge of open and gross conduct. He’s scheduled for arraignment today in Boston Municipal Court.

Boston (Home of the Meat Pounder) – Well, what else can you say? Juan Pena, you sir, are a meat pounder. Per usual, thanks to shitty reporting, there is so much more to this story that we’re not hearing. What does “piggybacking” his way into the station mean? Like, did he use someone else’s T pass to sneak in for a free ride? Or, did he physically get on someone’s back and was carried into the station? If so, was that person not aware of Juan’s trouser tamale poking him in the back? Also, is “unzippered” a word? I thought it was just unzipped? If there is one thing that is not up for dispute, it’s that Juan Pena was manipulating himself in plain view of everyone. People are so concerned with EEE, and Meningitis, and yet, there is clearly a Meat Pounding epidemic spreading throughout this great state, and no one wants to talk about it. Yes, I know it’s a difficult topic to cover on the news. You can’t really picture Fox25′s Gene Lavanchy saying “This just in, Meat Pounding has claimed yet another victim.” The alarming thing about this virus, ladies, is that screaming does not dissuade manipulators from trying to rub their helmets up against your yoga pants. So, if you can imagine, this woman screams and begins walking away, but here comes Juan Pena with a little bit of rapido in his step, masturbating the entire time. If that’s not one of the symptoms right there I don’t know what is. When the pound knows no bounds. Not stopping for anything or anyone. Those of us not afflicted with the virus know how difficult it is when you’re pounding it normally at home in one room, then you move to another room for the grand finale. You proceed with caution so you don’t bounce your rod off a door frame and potentially break your dick. Not Juan Pena. He will follow you through the turnstile, up the escalator, and onto the bus if it means he can finish up in your presence.

Please let your friends, family, and colleagues know about the Meat Pounding virus. It’s important for women, particularly those that commute via public transportation, to remain aware of their surroundings. Some of the early indications that you are a potential victim of Meat Pounding include:

1. Having that knowing feeling that you are being stared at by another passenger.

2. Looking at Pinterest on your iPhone while riding the subway and having the tip of a strangers penis pressed against your face.

3. Running for you and your pussy’s life from the underground while a possible illegal alien chases you with his exposed hardon.

Please like this on Facebook and Twitter so we can protect our citizens.

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(Thanks to Sully for the link)