"I wish I had my selzer bottle!"
(I bolded some shit in case you’re short on time and would rather skim)
Danvers, MA – A 46-year-old Danvers man who works as a clown for children’s parties was arraigned on Thursday after reportedly trying to solicit sex from a truck driver. A truck driver called police claiming that James Vosolo, who was naked at the time, approached his truck at a rest stop in Rowley on Tuesday night wearing only a thong. The driver got out of his car and Vosolo reportedly grabbed the driver’s genitals. He then told Vosolo to meet him at a rest stop in New Hampshire and then called police to report the incident.
Mass. State Police attempted to stop Vosolo as he was driving but he reportedly continued and was throwing items out of his window. Vosolo finally stopped along Route 95 in Salisbury and was arrested. The 46-year-old reportedly admitted to tossing a crack pipe and some cocaine out of his window. Investigators also say Vosolo admitted to leaving his home in just a thong and approaching a randomly selected truck driver because he wanted to “fulfill a fantasy.”
Vosolo was arraigned on charges that include indecent exposure, assault and battery, and failure to stop for police Thursday.
Investigators tell FOX 25 Vosolo worked as a clown and children’s entertainer at Total Entertainment. The company says that Vosolo no longer works there. Vosolo was wearing only thong underwear when he was ordered out of his car at gunpoint. Assisting at the scene were Trooper Matthew Heaphy, state police Sgt. Bruce O’Rourke and Salisbury police officer Richard Dellaria. A search of Vosolo’s vehicle resulted in the seizure of several sex toys, Halloween masks and head lamps, according to state police.
Wowie does this story have it all or what? Clowns. Speeding. Crack. Thongs. Fantasy. A very calm truck driver. Genitals. Somehow no violence. Even headlamps! Well, what else can you say, James Vosolo, you sir are a squeaky nosed Meat Pounder. Granted, he was trying to pound someone else’s meat, but we’re still going to qualify him. Good stuff by that truck driver feigning interest so he could buy he and his asshole a little time to call the cops. I mean, Jesus Christ, “several sex toys” and Halloween masks is one thing, but head lamps? What was James Vosolo’s fantasy exactly? (The following may or may not be a dramatization)
“The plan is to meet a randomly selected truck driver at a rest stop and grab his unsuspecting dick, then fall for the ol’ ‘oh this rest stop isn’t as hot as the rest stop in New Hampshire so meet me there’ routine. While in transit, I’ll fire up some crack and strip down to my thong and maybe work my shaft a little bit. Thankfully, I’ve been planning this for years so I’ll have my duffel bag filled with dildos, butt plugs, and my Harry Potter mask in the trunk. Once I climb into the trucker’s cabin, we’ll play ‘Rescue the turtles from the well’ as I flip on my headlamp and slowly pull a series of anal beads from his ass.”
I honestly don’t know if that’s the fantasy, I’m just trying to piece this whole thing together so some of us can finally get some closure.
Well he did work for “Total” entertainment. Every niche must be filled.