Boston, MA – My disgust for Segway Tours is well documented, but let’s briefly go over it again. I don’t know if you remember when the Segway came out, but the company that created them claimed they would “change the way human beings travel.” They were right, because if you pause to think about it, there is no other vehicle that when wearing a helmet makes you look like a floating dildo. They also claimed every human being would “need” to have a Segway, as if you couldn’t live without one. You know who really couldn’t live without one? The owner of the Segway company, who drove he and his Segway off a cliff and (spoiler) did not live to tell about it. You can read all about that delicious two-wheeled irony here. Don’t have time to read anything? Cool. But at least take a look at the cliff he dropped from. It was a doozy!
So come on, take a Segway Tour in a city near you. You never know what fun awaits around every corner!
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Ann Coulter would call these Segway riders a bunch of fucking retards, but I’m not that insensitive.
I saw a lady dump off of a segway over by the aquarium this past summer. Never laughed so fucking hard in my life
Where was your iPhone when we needed it?!