Boston, MA – If you read the title of this blog, you now know how “Silver Linings Playbook” ends. If you did not read the title, Bradley Cooper’s character predictably chases Jennifer Lawrence’s character down the street to tell her he loves her (i.e. that he would like to bang her in the very near future, i.e., not only in the movie but also pretty much anywhere off set.) The movie takes us on a journey to Philadelphia (the “City of Brotherly Love” and yet “the most racist place I’ve ever visited”) to experience almost every emotion known to mankind. Laughter. Crying (or at the very least getting misty, unless you are a sociopath.) Anger. Jealousy. Horny. Boredom. Hungry. Actually, not sure if hungry is an emotion, but I was overcome with and fulfilled the urge to snack. Also, not sure if horny is an emotion, or just a feeling that once your dick stops experiencing you may as well die, but I did feel that tingly sensation of blood leaving my vital organs so it could dutifully fill up my penis several times during the movie. I know it was Christmas Day, and you’re supposed to feel joy and caring and sharing and be thoughtful, but I came very close to pulling a Fred Willard during a few of Ms. Lawrence’s scenes. And, giving credit where credit is due, never one to leave the female audience hanging on a potential bean smashing, Bradley Cooper comes armed with 5 o’clock shadow and those steely blues. Overall, I liked this predictable movie. Jennifer Lawrence’s performance makes you forget about that “Hunger Games” debacle, and Robert DeNiro takes over the Robert Duvall “I Don’t Want To Leave Hollywood Just Yet And You Can’t Make Me Because I Was In The Godfather” role, playing an old man who you actually feel sorry for (in real life.) Bradley Cooper continues on his path to more money and pussy and whether you like him or not guys, get ready to hear his name for the rest of your life.
Wicked Improper Grades:
Acting/Jennifer Lawrence’s Body: A
Bradley Cooper: A+ (per Mrs. Munson)
Robert DeNiro: F
Overall score: A
This movie was certainly better than last year’s Christmas movie, “War Horse”, about a Jewish horse caught behind enemy lines. That plot was so ridiculous that at one point, when a nazi tank was chasing the horse, even the Jews in the audience were like “Forget the god damned horse, there are Jews getting away!”