Boston, MA – By the time you read this blog, you may already know that Terry Francona and Dan Sh’yawn’assy are coming out with a book titled “Francona: The Red Sox Years I Spent Working For Those Cocksuckers.” That’s just the tentative title, they’ll probably trim it down to something more palatable for the kids. But, to summarize the plot for you, the owners treated the team as a business (gasp!) after paying $700 fucking million for it. Well, guess what? It is a business. It’s a business first, and a rich guy’s hobby a very distant second. Without the business aspect, there’s no money, and if there’s no money, you’re the Royals. You can’t have it both ways, Sox fans. So, while I certainly take Francona’s side on this book (i.e. having disdain working for ownership whose priorities lie with TV ratings and burrito sales) you can’t blame a billionaire for capitalizing after bringing TWO championships to this city, especially when you consider the IQ level (information quotient) of their fan base. Before I let you go, let me get you fired up for baseball season with this exciting play by play simulation!
Announcer: “Okay, it’s Lester to the set. He glances over at first. He looks back in. Oh, well now Saltalamacchia wants to come out and talk things over. Lester covers his mouth with his glove and the two of them are discussing how they want to approach the batter. Now here comes the umpire, and he wants to break this thing up. Okay, Lester is going to take a stroll around the mound to get his composure. Lester looks in to get the sign. From the stretch. He glances over to first. Oh, he steps of the mound and feigns the throw to first, and back goes the runner. He’s trying to keep the runner honest and you can’t blame him. Now let’s take a look up in the right field seats for tonight’s Dunkin’ Donuts Club members. Each home game, Dunkin’ Donuts donates 30 tickets to the Boys & Girls Club of America, and it’s just a treat to have these kids here with us to enjoy the game of baseball. America runs on Dunkin’s! And now Lester is looking in and he gets the sign from Saltalamacchia. Here’s Lester, to the set. He steps off. He steps off and wipes his brow with his sleeve. Oh boy is it hot tonight at Fenway Park. It’s not just the heat, but the humidity. Keep in mind, this is the time of year when your windshield can really take a beating. If you get a split or a crack in your windshield, call the Official Glass Company of the Boston Red Sox, Giant Glass. (Breaks into song) ‘Who do you call when your windshield’s busted? Call, Giant, Glass! 1-800-54-Giant, Call, Giant, Glass!’ Okay, Lester wipes away the sweat from his brow and he’s back to the set. He looks back the runner at first. Here’s the wind-up. Ball, low and away. One ball and no strikes is the count. We’ll be right back after a word from our sponsor.”