That’s right loyal fans, I
have worked my way of out last place in my football pool am back and ready to impart my football genius to you for the low low price of zero. Last year I went nearly undefeated nearly every week, so ignore my pearls of wisdom at your own peril. I hardly ever miss them all. This week, I like the roadies.
Cincinnati +4.5 @ Houston: Houston is reeling, they’re holding on too tight, I think their quarterback is Matt Schaub who moonlights in the offseason as a tax accountant. I have nothing to say about Cincinnati except I think maybe their quarterback is a firehead.
Minnesota +7.5 @ Green Bay: Green Bay might win this, but it’s going to be close if so. Aaron Rodgers was the king of f*cking up my fantasy football league, and he has the biggest chip on his shoulder in the whole NFL. Boo f8cking hoo, you were drafted 24th, get over it, whiner, good christ.
Seattle -3 @ Washington: Russell Wilson should have more of a chip on his shoulder than Aaron “Nobody Ever Gave Me Any Credit” Rodgers, because he is going to get effed by Their Royal Highnesses Andrew Luck and Robert Griffin III in the meaningless postseason voting, but he seems to have a good attitude about it. RGIII throws six interceptions, receives another three major endorsement deals, and RWI hangs 60 points on Washington for good measure.
Indianapolis +6.5 @ Baltimore: Noted settler-out-of-court-and-never-convicted-of-murder Ray Lewis manages to go the entire weekend without killing someone. Indy wins outright, Andrew Luck is given a blojizzle by Morton Andersen, and Ray Lewis ends his career, thus allowing him to go on to allegedly killing whomever he wants.