Snowstorm Central!

"Does anyone have any toilet paper?"

Boston, MA – We’re about to get anywhere from 6 to 149 inches of snow between Friday and Sunday. Anyone that knows me knows that Winter, and snowstorms in particular, are a very difficult time for me. I know I typically don’t cover sensitive topics here, but if this blog can help just one person cope with their own issues, then this revelation will be worth it. I’ve been keeping a dark secret for nearly 30 years, and as embarrassing as this is to admit, I’m finally ready to let people know that I unwillingly lost my virginity to a snowman. It obviously wasn’t something I expected, and I swear to god I never thought I’d get the taste of corn cob out of my mouth. Like most victims, my self-esteem and confidence levels were at all-time lows. As someone who was displaying all the symptoms of physical and emotional distress (i.e. self-doubt, weakness, etc.), I truly believed that Snowpeople could smell my fear, and no sooner was I overwhelmed by four of them and used as a carrot receptacle. My therapist, sensing we were on the verge of a breakthrough, asked me questions that would require some very graphic specifics, but I told her no, the closest I’ve come to double penetration was eating both Twix bars at the same time.

So, now that you know a little something about me, feel free to share your own love stories below in our comments section.

Thanks,

Martin