Boston, MA - It’s that time of year again. People start exercising, eating right, getting ready to show off their abs, tits and pussies, etc. Actually, that reminds me, I have to find a new beach on the Cape this year because last Summer, while napping on the jetties, I sprouted a boner made of granite that could be spotted from the shoreline. It probably wouldn’t have drawn so much attention if it wasn’t the anchor for my kite. Making matters worse, the Lifeguard used his bullhorn to announce that children should not approach the jetties until the tide went out on my rager. Anyway, February 1 is when I start taking physical fitness seriously, in all aspects. So, I was flipping through Men’s Health the other day, the bi-curious fitness magazine whose covers have no doubt been the recipients of countless splashdowns, and they made a suggestion I want to share with you. Keep in mind, this is a free tip, so it’s not like you’re going to be harrassed for a subscription:
Men’s Health: Drink a lot of pineapple juice to make your cum taste better.
Now, maybe my pH balance is off, or maybe I’m not drinking enough, because I honestly haven’t noticed any difference. The other interesting thing they noted was, while you’re sitting in a cube (totally oblivious to how pointless your life has become), consciously exhaling your abs throughout the day stimulates the muscles. I tested this method at 9:01 this morning, and by 9:03, I was enjoying my Chobani Greek Strawberry Yogurt by dunking my blueberry cake donut from Honey Dew. Remember, you have to reward yourself here and there to make the workouts mean something. In closing, I can’t tell you how to live your life. There is no shame with dying sooner than the average life expectancy. Yeah, some shame will be there a couple of days later for your loved ones, especially when they go through your stuff and find skid-marked underpants, and athletic socks under your bed that would shatter if dropped.
“Be the best you you can be. That’s not a typo. Be the best YOU you can be. Just be you, okay?” – Gatorade