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If 2013 Was The Thigh Gap, 2014 Is The Bikini Bridge (and I’m ready to cross)

Boston, MA – Remember the thigh gap of 2013?

"Yawn. Have a carb, Chubbsy"


Boing Alert! WOOP WOOP! Boing Alert! Sound the Swimming Trunks Rocket Alarm! Welcome to 2014 (and beyond, and possibly forever) as we introduce the Bikini Bridge! There’s nothing quite like taking the family up to Good Harbor in Gloucester, paying $25 to park, and then pacing up and down the beach while your wife ponders seven possible spots to sit as you carry a cooler, two chairs, two towels, a 60-pound beach bag filled with SHIT, and two FUCKING umbrellas as you scan the ENTIRE beach for Milfs (and barely legals) in search of the ultimate Bikini Bridge. What is the Bikini Bridge, you ask? Well, look no further, but, look further by scrolling down.

p.s. If there’s a toll to cross the Bikini Bridge, I want to pay it with my tongue.


"I could shoot a jet for every strand of peach fuzz I see"


"Surf's not the only thing that's up"




"I haven't seen a flat chick since 2003"


"Uh oh, I spilled Panama Jack all over my privates as I watch you from a hole in your fence"


"If you HAD to hide a Junior Mint in someone's belly button, this would be the one."


"Her Bikini Bridge bump is bigger than my entire genitals"

4 Responses to “
If 2013 Was The Thigh Gap, 2014 Is The Bikini Bridge (and I’m ready to cross)

  1. KJ says:

    Can’t we all get along this year? How about we build a bikini bridge and get over it?

  2. Mrs. Red says:

    this explains why junior mints are Red’s favorite candy.

    • Red says:

      I was literally (LITERALLY) eating JM’s while reading this.

      ps – Red bikini needs to put some lotion on her chest. She’s getting a rash.

      Love, Dr. Red

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