"Um, hello, can I get a little CPR over here?"

Boston, MA, – (home of BostonStrong, OneFundBoston, And Dunkin’ Donuts) – The body of Boston Marathon bombing suspect Tamerlan Tsarnaev remained in limbo today at the Graham Putnam & Mahoney Funeral Parlors in Worcester, where a funeral director was seeking a cemetery that would accept his body, while protesters gathered outside and a local activist launched a campaign to collect money for the body to be returned to Russia. “The devil is waiting for him!” Nelly Sanchez, 45, of Worcester, chanted outside the funeral home this morning. “He needs to be fed to the sharks. I don’t think the sharks would want him, either.” Meanwhile, outside the Worcester funeral home, Jennifer Merchand, 29, of Worcester said she had attended funerals at the funeral home before but would never go back. “This is just awful,” she said. “I will never step foot inside that funeral home again,” she said as she stood across the street protesting. “I don’t want to even live in this state if he is buried here.” The protesters’ ire was apparently misdirected this afternoon when they yelled at a family, including a man on crutches, who had come to the funeral home to pick up the ashes of a loved one. “Go back to Russia,’’ one man shouted at the family, adding an expletive. The family, however, had no connection to Tsarnaev.

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Well, Jennifer Merchand has set foot in the Graham Putnam & Mahoney Funeral Parlors for the last time, and she don’t care who’s in the box. She doesn’t even want to live in this state if Tamerlin is buried here (and I hope someone follows up with her on that if he ends up getting planted in Worcester.) Then you have Nelly Sanchez chanting “The Devil is waiting for him”? Epic chant fail. Just even repeating that in your head you can tell that one would have an awful cadence to it. I would have liked to see something with a little more cohesiveness from the chanters. Four syllables at most is the maximum allowed for any chants. “Let’s Go Bru-ins”, then stomping your feet would have worked at this protest, but just replace “Let’s Go Bru-ins” with “Burn His Bo-dy!” (boosh, boosh, booshbooshboosh!) “Burn His Bo-dy!” (boosh, boosh, booshbooshboosh!) Of course, my favorite part of this story from Boston.com is where a guy on crutches just shows up to pick up the ashes of his mom (along with bits and pieces of whatever and whoever else was in the oven) and some guy yells “Go back to Russia!” then adding an expletive (don’t let Boston.com’s riddle bug you for too long, it was probably “motherfucker!”)

Anyway, it would shock this pro-boner blogger if this bag of shit was buried in Massachusetts, but who knows? Hitler is buried somewhere. Mussolini is buried somewhere. Kris Jenner will have to be buried somewhere. I say bury him here and let residents of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts treat the grave like Jim Morrison’s in Paris, only instead of pot buds, candles, and titty pictures, people can treat it as a place of remembrance and use it as a public toilet. I would also not be opposed to digging him up and doing a spoof video called “Weekend At Tamerlin’s” where we take him to hotspots all over Cape Cod to let people slap him and maybe tug on his dick for a chance to win a free fried clam roll from Kream n’ Kone.