I learned to kill terrorists for this?!
Even after several kids, getting ruined by Seal, and 39 years, my breasts are still spectacular
I banged Derek Jeter. Get over it.
Red thinks I'm terrible. And he's right.
Red wishes he had this shirt/pants combo.
All the celebrities are doing it!
I told you this style would take hold
This is not so much an update as a simple “I told you so.” Girls, when I tell you to jump, you jump, no questions asked. Just a week ago, I told you that this style was going to take Marblehead beaches worldwide by f-ing storm, and here is another example of how you are missing the boat if you don’t f-ing hurry up and get one of these. This particular one is a DIY version, and as a public service, the before and afters are included below for your careful review:
Does the term "tensile strength" apply here?
Afta Afta
As practical as it is fashionable, Natalia here sports a look that’s sure to be gracing the sands this summer. We here at Wicked Improper want to encourage you to act early, as clearly there is a shortage of material for these swimsuits, and you’ll want to pick one up before that whore down the street beats you to it. Feel free to send in pics after you try it on. If the whore does get it first, ask her to call us.
The Flapper
...and the back...
Just in time for Spring, I give you…
Tiny Bikinis!
This.
Happy St. Patrick’s Day!
One presumes they mean "Just Go For a Run" and not "Just Go Kill Your SO..."
By being arrested for killing his model girlfriend (and we don’t mean “perfect” girlfriend but girlfriend who is – heh, sorry, “was” - a smoking hot model) he joins Nike’s esteemed group of ALLEGED cheaters, murderers, and dog killers who are proud to bear the Swoosh (tm I think): Apolo Ohno, Lance Armstrong, Michael Vick, and now South African olympic bouncer Oscar Pistorius, who was arrested this week for shooting his girlfriend dead while in his apartment. I wonder what the gun regs are like in South Africa. Anyway, RIP, Reeva Steencamp, we ‘ardly knew ye’:
Yes.
YES.
Yes, of course. But is this even her?
Undeniably Bodacious
Speaking of blasting…
"Concert For America's Kids!"
She's also getting a bit on SI's Swimsuit Edition, ainsy
Yahoo: Katherine Webb came off as pretty sharp after her fame blew up during the BCS Championship Game, and she’s smartly taking advantage of her instant celebrity. Webb, Alabama quarterback A.J. McCarron’s girlfriend and Miss Alabama, announced on Twitter that she will be covering the Super Bowl for “Inside Edition.”
Well, good for you Katherine – you earned it! You’re perfectly symmetrical, have big eyes, big lips, not horrible hair, and even in the midst of a 100,000-person intimate get-together you look like you’re dtf ready for anything. Congrats!
In Brazil, this is a losing ass.
Guess which Brazilian Miss Bum Bum runner up got caught canoodling with which other Brazillian Miss Bum Bum contestant? Her name is Andressa Urach, and she’s in hot water being praised by women everywhere for sidling up to one of her equally hot contestents in an effort to make a real human connection get some attention from Wicked Improper the global press. Since we’ve determined that women everywhere are our true target audience, I’m going to humor Ms. Urach and our female audience with a little pictorial.
Juuust hanging onto "SFW"
See guys? Tan lines!
Strong enough for a man. Made for a woman.
The "offending" photograph
I refuse to show a pic of the kid.
Yahoo: The 6-year-old daughter of the late Anna Nicole Smith is walking in her mother’s shoes, taking a starring role in the spring ad campaign for Guess Kids. Guess? Inc.’s creative director Paul Marciano says in a statement that Dannielynn Birkhead has the “same playful spirit” that her mother would carry onto a set. The brand hired Smith in 1992, and she appeared in its sexy denim-wear ads through 1993. She was a relative modeling unknown at the time, although earlier in 1992 she was on a Playboy magazine cover.
It was pretty much all downhill from this point on.
Now this isn’t too creepy or anything. “Hey, Dannielynn, your mom had a great run, but now she’s dead. You seem to be cut from the same cloth, whaddaya say we snap some photos? I’m sure it’ll turn out fine for you though. And don’t worry, we’ve got a GREAT cocaine guy.”
ps: “Same playful spirit?” I don’t want to discount a good personality (or a willingness to positively destroy wealthy/influential d1ck, because you know that’s what they meant), but let’s not forget about her gigantic milkbombs the basics, ok?
pps: Some of you youngsters are going to say “big deal, she’s nothing but another giant rack and an eating disorder, dime-a-dozen,” which is true, but keep in mind that she was big before the internet came along and proved once and for all that the earth is f*cking crawling with younger, hotter versions of Joan Lloyd. Back then, we weren’t so sure, so you had to populate the spankbank wherever and whenever you could. Anna Nicole and her spectacular jeans ads fit that bill, and how!
For a chuckle, remember that she's selling jeans in this picture.
No doubt in my mind, she kills her partner(s) after mating.
Wicked Improper’s being invaded by Spanish software developers (yes), so I thought I would make them feel at home with this picture of what has to be Spain’s #1 export since Columbus, Natalia Mesa Bush.
Yeah, her name is Bush, so what?
The judges are going to allow it.
Answer: If she can avoid political statements like tearing up pictures of the pope while at the same time ensure that her accessories are spilling out of her dress, then yes. Actually tear up whatever you want, just make sure about that second part.
Owning it.
(Besides Mia Tivoli and her nipples I mean.)
Instead of shaving my head and going full baldo, maybe I should go the other way and Conan O’Brien the shit out of my hair. What do you think? I mean, look at that foppish bastard and his crazy fucking hair. Is this f-er kidding me? Kinda looks like the stoned caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland.
Feed your head!
Power helps.
Guys, be advised, a little fashion advice, direct from Mrs. Red:
Strike three, you’re out.
She assures me that Mrs. Munson would whole-heartedly agree with this.
ps: This guy loses with only one strike:
"Hey good lookin'! We'll be back to pick you up later!"
Wicked Improper Approved, although I think #5 is holding out.
Fall is upon us, and that means Oktoberfestivities will be on everyone’s social calendar next week and beyond. And I think we can all agree on this (girls, back me up please): there are two great things about October and they’re both tits. Now is your chance to go a little lot lower with your bodice, a little lot higher with your dirndl (google), and show off your body the way god intended. Carte blanche (carte blanche!) to show a little skin for christs sake! So when you’re gearing up for your fall parties, and you’re thinking “Hmm, I wonder what Red would say about this outfit?” remember, the picture above is good, maybe they could even go a little lower… and I for one wouldn’t frown at the ensemble below. Prost!
One final note: I think I speak for Martin when I say that we’d be willing to help you out if you had questions about your dress – just send your pics to Red or Martin @wickedimproper.com, and we’ll judge them for appropriate levels of exposure.
Yes.
"I shit on the iPhone 4s (tm!)"
Assimilate.
Or die.
(tm)
Shaved and ready for the game!
I'm not kidding. That's the bag. It's paper.
ecouterre: The latest It bag for the 1 percent? Jil Sander’s “Vasari,” a “long rectangular silhouette” made from 100 percent coated paper. Translation: It’s a glorified lunch sack. And it could have been yours for $290. Sure it may be a brown paper bag with stitched seams on each side, a couple of gold-colored metal eyelets, and the words “Jil Sander” emblazoned in barely perceptible type on its bottom, but it’s a brown paper bag nonetheless. If Sander’s brand of “Derelicte” wasn’t offensive enough, the designer also offers a black leather version for $630.
People are up in arms about this waste of money and gross show of wealth, but not me. The one percenters can’t wipe their asses without getting accused of wasting paper. This is a natural response to the Occupy Wall Street derelicts. “Hey, look over here dicks! I could’ve clothed and fed a whole team of rapists, theives, and trustafarians masquerading as a social activists for a month, but instead I bought five paper sacks for my lunches this week. Suck on that.”