Who’s Steering This Ship FCS?

 

 

Denver Post:  Democratic Rep. Diana DeGette has been the lead sponsor on a federal ban on high-capacity ammunition magazines in two Congresses, saying it’s one of her top priorities.  But Tuesday at a Denver Post forum on the gun control debate, the senior congresswoman from Denver appeared to not understand how guns work.

Asked how a ban on magazines holding more than 15 rounds would be effective in reducing gun violence, DeGette said:

“I will tell you these are ammunition, they’re bullets, so the people who have those know they’re going to shoot them, so if you ban them in the future, the number of these high capacity magazines is going to decrease dramatically over time because the bullets will have been shot and there won’t be any more available.”

What she didn’t appear to understand is that a magazine can be reloaded with more bullets. According to the Shooter’s Log, only early on were magazines for AR-15s designed to be disposable, but the military changed that and now magazines are used several times. In handguns, a magazine is designed to be reused hundreds of times.

 

Ayfkm right now?  AYMFKM?  Just to be clear:  “What she didn’t appear to understand is that a magazine can be reloaded with more bullets.”  A magazine, like the ones used in AR-15 rifles – the ones that kind of hang off the bottom and are shaped like a banana – are basically curved boxes with a spring at the bottom.  In a semi-automatic, when you fire a round (bullet), the spring pushes the next round up into the rifle for the next trigger pull/shot.  When there aren’t any rounds left, the mag is empty (natch).  But you don’t f8cking throw it away fcs.  You pop it out, and if you want, you fill it up again.  It works very much like a gas tank in your motherf*cking automobile.  When you run out of gas, you fill it up with more gas for the love of Pete, you don’t replace it with a full gas tank god damn it.  Christ (nsp) allf8ckingmighty.

 

I will admit that I don’t agree with most of the gun control legislation that’s coming out, but I promise you, I’m open to a discussion.  And I’m really not even close to being a gun expert.  On the other hand, if you don’t even know how “ONE OF YOUR TOP PRIORITIES” actually works, how can you be allowed in the f*cking room?!  Get out!  GET FUCKING OUT!  This woman is in Congress!  Lifetime ban on drunk driving and murder charges!  She’s voting on important shit!

 

 

Thank F*cking Christ We Have Politicians To Keep Our Pop Tart Wielding Kids In F8cking Line

 

Next you'll say I can be arrested for letting my dong hang out at bars because it looks like a missile?

 

Washington Post:  Earlier this month, a 7-year-old boy’s nibbling got him into hot water at Park Elementary School in Anne Arundel County.  The boy nibbled a “rectangular strawberry-filled bar” — let us refer to it as a Pop-Tart — into a gun.  “Bang, bang,” he allegedly said.

“Suspended,” was the response from the principal’s office.  The case attracted attention from around the country. George Will referred to the boy, in jest, as “The Pop-Tart Terrorist.”

The boy’s father, William “B.J.” Welch, was miffed.  “It was harmless,” he said. “It was a danish.”  State Sen. J. B. Jennings (R-Baltimore, Hartford counties) apparently agrees. Late last week, he introduced legislation titled “The Reasonable School Discipline Act of 2013.” 

 

So this turns into a legislator’s ultimate wet dream except for the one where he f*cks an intern in the Oval Office with a cigar, that one’s pretty high up on those guys’ lists.  Because first you write a law to punish little sh1ts who are running around with contraband pastries nibbled into the f8cking shape of guns and knives and Bills of Rights.  THEN you get to write another law to reign in the gd militant administrators who would otherwise enforce these pasty-faced regulations.  Not only that but you get to name your law something like “The Reasonalbe School Discipline Act of 2013.”  Most people would figure that you don’t need a law to cancel out another law, especially since the first law is kind of on the fing crazy side, but most people would be wrong.  They should call this act “The Don’t Be a Fucking Asshole, It’s a God Damned Pop Tart Act” but since I didn’t write it, I don’t get to name it.  :-(

Question:  Did this little f*cker brandish the pop tart, or was he illegally concealing it? While we’re writing more laws, is there already one on the books limiting the number of Pop Tarts you can carry on your person?  Because there is no reasonable need for someone to be walking around with 30 Pop Tarts on his god damned person, I can tell you that.

 

 

Nike: Just A Really Classy, Classy Operation

One presumes they mean "Just Go For a Run" and not "Just Go Kill Your SO..."

 

By being arrested for killing his model girlfriend (and we don’t mean “perfect” girlfriend but girlfriend who is – heh, sorry, “was” - a smoking hot model) he joins Nike’s esteemed group of ALLEGED cheaters, murderers, and dog killers who are proud to bear the Swoosh (tm I think):  Apolo Ohno, Lance Armstrong, Michael Vick, and now South African olympic bouncer Oscar Pistorius, who was arrested this week for shooting his girlfriend dead while in his apartment.  I wonder what the gun regs are like in South Africa.  Anyway, RIP, Reeva Steencamp, we ‘ardly knew ye’:

 

Yes.

YES.

Yes, of course. But is this even her?

Instead of Pissing And Moaning About Gun Laws, Maybe Murder Capital Chicago Should Focus A Little More On The Fundamentals…

 

Chicago (AP):  Police are hunting for a convicted murderer after he was mistakenly released from custody in Chicago, where he was sent to face a drug charge while serving a 60-year prison sentence in Indiana.

Indiana Department of Corrections officials say Steven L. Robbins, 44, was sent to Cook County Circuit Court on Tuesday to face a drug charge. The charge was dropped, “but for reasons yet unknown, the offender was released by Illinois authorities without being held for return,” the department said in a news release.

 

Whoopsy!  I wonder if the city forgot to pay off the union bosses dues.

 

A Video To Honor The Late Doctor Martin Luther King, Jr. (Obviously By ‘Late’ I Don’t Mean Tardy)

 

w

Wow, you talk about your close calls. This happened in Bulgaria, which is just off the coast of Russia. If you’re going to kill somebody, fucking kill somebody. Don’t be creeping up on this Bulgarian dude with a gun that must have been put together with an Erector Set. You have to test that shit out first. Here’s my unofficial check list for how to kill/assassinate somebody.

1. Be prepared: Know who your target is. Follow them. Think like them. Become them. Have a genuine enthusiasm for taking someone’s life. Have a getaway plan. Wear a moustache.

2. Test the gun by firing it into a pillow in your hotel room. Clean up all of the feathers and locate the bullet fragment(s) and dispose of them properly (i.e. somewhere that cannot be traced back to you.) Then, replace your dead hotel pillow with another pillow that you smuggled in your luggage. This will not only make the room look like it was not tampered with (or that you have been practicing an assassination there), but having your own germ free pillow from home will almost guarantee you a good night’s sleep before you kill your target. Why not just fire the bullet into a pillow at your house to make sure it works, instead of all this smuggling pillows and cleaning feathers? Oh, because I have OCD.

3. The night before you kill, do things as you normally would. Do a few laps in the hotel pool. Get room service. Order porn. Calm your nerves by making a fake vagina using the shower cap supplied by the Hotel and a rather large quantity of their shampoo. Really let that cap have it and maybe even finish up inside for a change. After all, and I don’t want to jinx you, but you might be going to prison or dead tomorrow. Rinse out the shower cap immediately after use, and put it back in the box for the next guest. You do not want the maid noticing anything suspicious.

4. Be confident. You’ve covered all the bases. You have your target? Check. Your gun works? Check. Your nerves are calm as ever because you made love to the Red Roof shower cap? Check, and check (I would do it twice as I have a tendency to be jumpy/horny.)

5. Kill

 

Rest Easy, Legal Gun Owners

That should pretty much clear up any concerns you have, problem solved!

 

ps – While you were watching porn the football game this weekend:

Washington Post:  The White House is weighing a far broader and more comprehensive approach to curbing the nation’s gun violence than simply reinstating an expired ban on assault weapons and high-capacity ammunition, according to multiple people involved in the administration’s discussions.

This Can’t Be Right: Chicago Gun Deaths Are Up, Not Down?

 

Come 'n' Get It.

Weekly Standard:  In 2012, 532 people were murdered in the city of Chicago, according to statistics compiled by the Crime in Chicago website. The number of people murdered the year before was 441…  The website also claims that, through December 25, 2012, there 2,670 people were shot in Chicago last year. That’s also an increase from the year before, when 2,217 people were shot in Chicago that year.

In all, it means that on average almost 1.5 people were murdered in Chicago each day last year, while on average 7.3 people were shot each day.

 

Well this can’t be true at all, because Illinois already bans concealed carry (and open carry in most instances) and Chicago demands that gun owners get a Firearm Permit, and register EACH gun with the CPD.  With such strict gun laws, who in the world is still shooting each other 7.3 times per day?  No no, the media must have this story wrong.

Let’s get back to wondering when BiBi Jones is coming back to Alex’s Gentlemen’s Club, shall we?

NFL’s Murder Story: Personal Accountability Might Go A Long Way If We Bother To Let It

Not my fault!

 

NBC sports anchor Bob Costas channeled his inner Edward R. Murrow and Howard Cosell during halftime of last night’s Sunday Night Football game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Dallas Cowboys, calling for stricter gun control in the wake of Saturday’s murder-suicide involving Kansas City Chiefs linebacker Jovan Belcher.

‘In the coming days, Jovan Belcher’s actions and their possible connection to football will be analyzed. Who knows? But here, wrote Jason Whitlock, is what I believe. If Jovan Belcher didn’t possess a gun, he and Kasandra Perkins would both be alive today.”

 

Bob Costas thinks that, were it not for the fact that Jovan Belcher owned a gun, he and his girlfriend would be alive now.  I’m not going to argue gun rights here. (But if he had any balls he’d just come out and say “We should ban all guns from existence and give Iran the list of gun owners in the United States.”)  My question is, whatever happened to fucking (spelled out) personal responsibility?  Here are a few details I’ve gleaned from various sources about this very sad story:

1.  Jovan Belcher had money problems.

2.  Jovan Belcher had a three-month old baby with his girlfriend.

3.  Jovan Belcher drove a Rolls fing Royce.

4.  Jovan Belcher spent some of the night before he murdered his significant (arguable) other getting drunk with another woman.  Or women, hard to tell.

5.  For at least part of the night before he became a murderer, Jovan Belcher slept in his Rolls Royce, parked outside this other woman’s house.

6.  Jovan Belcher was paid approximately $1 million (pre tax, probably pre-vampire-agent) over the previous three years.

7.  Jovan Belcher secured a $1.9 million (ptppva) contract to play for the Chiefs this year.

8.  Chiefs management knew about some of JB’s problems before he murdered someone.

9.  Jovan Belcher owned at least one and possibly a bunch of guns.  (legally from what I understand)

 

All of those details, and Bobby “I ruined the Olympics for millions of fans” Costas decides that the most significant item is his ownership of guns?  That reminds me of the times when a newspaper article says “An SUV today plowed into a bunch of nuns at a soup kitchen and killed them all.”  Oh really?  An SUV did that?  No driver?  No responsible human had anything to do with that? 

I grew up in some pretty f-ed up fundamentally religious foreign countries.  In one of those, if an expatriate got into a car accident with a foreign national, and it was the FN’s fault, the defense would be – and I’m not sh1tting you here – “The accident would never have happened if you weren’t living in our country.  Case dismissed.”    And then the expat would be deported back to the States or whatever country he* was from.  Same deal when a young American girl was raped by a foreign national while I was there:  “Oh, you shouldn’t have been here, then it wouldn’t have happened.  Now get out of our country you dirty whore.”

When we excuse irresponsibility by foisting the blame onto inanimate objects or nebulous entities like “society” (or “god”), we wind up condoning decisions that lead to that behavior by implying that the people responsible for those actions are helpless to avoid them.  But they’re not helpless, for chrissakes.  A hundred (a thousand?) choices led him to that dark place, but we ignore those because it allows us to avoid more difficult questions.

Instead of excusing the behavior from your soapbox, Bob, why not challenge young men to step up:  ”Be a f-ing man.  Make choices that lead you to be proud of youself.  Take responsibility for your decisions, even the wrong ones.”

F!

 

*Women couldn’t drive there.

Gunshot Victim Saved By Her Giants Fake Breasts

They just might save your life, is what I'm trying to say.

 

KSEE:  A Canadian woman has her breast implants to thank for saving her life in a shooting committed by her ex boyfriend.  Eileen Likness, of Calgary, testified at the trial of her ex-boyfriend Wednesday that if it weren’t for her surgically enhanced breasts, she would have been seriously hurt or even killed.  ‘My implants took the brunt of the force.’

The victim explained that when Fernando Chora, 61, fired his 9mm handgun at her, a bullet grazed her right arm before piercing both her breast implants and left forearm.  Likness said the projectile, which entered her right breast, grazed her chest plate and exited her left breast, destroying the silicone implants.

 

 

I’m going to make this short and sweet because I’m lazy busy.

1.  Good call on making that 61 year old geezer your “ex.” 

2.  It will not be long before our government mandates breast implants as safety devices.  No judgment on this one.  How can you argue with the validity of this data?!

3.  Haha, crazy Canadians.  (And you can shove your pacifist accusations about gun-totin’ cowboys in the States up your collective ass.)

 

Another Four Star In Hot Water For Possibly Abandoning Loveless Marraige In Exchange For Sweet Tits From Tampa

Programs here! Get your Programs! You can't tell one adulterous general officer from another without a program!

 

Unless some salacious details photos come out, and you know these guys know how to burn evidence, this story is almost too boring to cover.  Except that both 4-stars in the news are attached to teh same socialite in Tampa who claims (lol) nothing happened.  What does appear to have happened is that this guy General Allen exchanged upwards of 30,000 pages of inappropriate emails, up to 40 a day, with this chick.  But I’m not sure if this was under wraps.  If you ask me, it looks as if the wife was in the know based on the picture above.

ps – ABC said this was a mistake, but I don’t believe them:

She's ripped but could use some enhancements. You know what I'm talking about you dirty little minx you.

I Strongly Recommend That You Consider Stealing From Someplace Other Than Josephine County, Oregon

Hombre on the left wants to kill someone, and Mr. Glock in black is going to make you squeal like a pig.

 

Shine:  There’s no room in the county jail for burglars and thieves. And the sheriff’s department in a vast, rural corner of southwest Oregon has been reduced by budget cuts to three deputies on patrol eight hours a day, five days a week.

But people in this traditionally self-reliant section of timber country aren’t about to raise taxes to put more officers on the road. Instead, some folks in Josephine County, larger than the state of Rhode Island, are taking matters into their own hands – mounting flashing lights on their trucks and strapping pistols to their hips to guard communities themselves.

 

Nothing, and I mean nothing, could go wrong with this.  I mean this idea really sounds fleshed out.  You all know I’m a fan of guns and citizens’ rights.  And here’s a perfect example of the community coming together to f8cking kill some bad guys.  Having a problem with vandalism and with dirtbags stealing your fifth wheels?  F8cking strap on a god damned sidearm, start cruising the neighborhood and see if you can pick some of these looters off!  Plus with those flashing lights, you might get lucky and pull over a meth whore – hello! – vigilante beejays! 

Be careful though, I’m pretty sure this is the same county that tried to shut down John Rambo back in the ’80′s and that didn’t pan out so well for those guys.

ps:  I’m *that* close to following suit.

Get A Load Of Red’s Free Gift From The NRA, Part II

 

What am I supposed to do with this thing?

 

I effed with you guys.  It wasn’t a sticker.  Or some zombie targets.  Or even the Bill of Rights (capped?).  It was an impossibly thinly squeezed baseball hat.  wtf?  I look like a train engineer when I’m wearing this thing.  Come on guys – how about the following next time:

 

Post prominently in front yard

 

Update:  I got two NRA stickers in the mail yesterday.  Still not the same as a sticker promising imminent death to intruders (or naked chicks with guns calendar *hint*), but I’ll take them.

Get A Load Of Red’s Free Gift From The NRA

Ooh, kinda thin - what could it be...?

As a prerequisite to joining joining a local gun range so that I can blow shit up defend against the rising illegal immigrant/terrorist population protect my house from marauding zombies engage in practical self defense training, I had to join the NRA, which I did a couple of weeks ago.  Among other things, I was sure they’d send me a bumper sticker like “You can take my gun when you pry it from my cold dead hands” bumper sticker.  Instead they sent this:

Actually – forget that.  See if you can guess what it is:

What Did Red Get From The NRA This Week?

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Red’s Pulling A “U.S. Congress” By Going Against The Will Of The People

I guess this is just going to have to wait...

 

I know you guys said you wanted me to have a three-way w/ Mrs. Red and someone from the local MILF factory, and I appreciate that, but that could take years and cost thousands of lives.  So instead I went with choice #2, and put in an order for the slab-sided barrel .357 you see below.  I don’t really know how I’d ever carry that bastard concealed, but at least I’ll be ready when the zombies come.

"Oh yeah. You could kill a deer with that .357." - Red's neighbor, this morning

Are You F-ing Kidding Me With This Precision? Tuesday’s Target Practice, With Your Host, Red “Lights Out” Terwilliger

.38 S&W 686, From Somewhere Around 50 Yards

 

If you are a 9″ paper plate or a shooting range target, your days are numbered. 

 It’s not too late to cast your vote!

20 rounds of .22, Ruger SR22, Also About 50 Yards

Friday’s “Red’s Getting A Concealed Carry Permit” Poll!

 

Hot Tub: All the guns you'll ever need

As Martin mentioned, I’m getting my concealed carry permit in a few weeks.  (Plus six month government security check, because why should law abiding private citizens get to arm themselves?*)  Those of you who are in the know already understand that they make 9mm pea shooters that are small enough to holster to your hog (don’t think I haven’t thought about it), but I’m more old fashioned.  I’m thinking about a .357 magnum revolver.  Not to conceal, just to “have.”

 

Mrs. Red correctly points out that, for the entirety of my many decades, I’ve never been required to pull out a 6 or 8 shot revolver and blow away any invaders or Osama Bin Laden.  That’s true.  She thinks maybe my money might be better spent on a home improvement:  a hot tub in the back yard.  Now, I know what you’re thinking:  “Red, she’s telling you she’s into a three-way!”  I know, I know, she totally is.  But take a look at those guns!  No no those guns down here:

627: An 8 Shooter, Just To Be Sure They're Dead

686: 6 Shots, Stainless Steel Good Looks

 

What Should Red Buy Next?

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*It’s the Constitution.  The answer is, “The Constitution.”

Red’s Gettin’ A Concealed Carry Permit

If you're a paper plate, you better cross to the other side of the street.

Maybe, I still need to pass the fingerprinting and background check.  But check out that tight cluster of holes up there.  And this was my first trip to the shooting range.  I know what you’re thinking – “Oh no, Red’s going to be conscripted into the Army Sniper program and we’re going to lose Wicked Improper forever!”  Totally reasonable considering what damage I did to this f-ing paper plate from 100 50 25 10 5 yards.

 

This grip does NOT comply with proper gun safety rules.