Adventures In Parenting: Anna Nicole Smith And Her Huge Set Of Playful Spirits Are Dead, But Her Legend Lives On

 

I refuse to show a pic of the kid.

Yahoo:  The 6-year-old daughter of the late Anna Nicole Smith is walking in her mother’s shoes, taking a starring role in the spring ad campaign for Guess Kids.  Guess? Inc.’s creative director Paul Marciano says in a statement that Dannielynn Birkhead has the “same playful spirit” that her mother would carry onto a set.  The brand hired Smith in 1992, and she appeared in its sexy denim-wear ads through 1993. She was a relative modeling unknown at the time, although earlier in 1992 she was on a Playboy magazine cover.

 

It was pretty much all downhill from this point on.

 

Now this isn’t too creepy or anything.  “Hey, Dannielynn, your mom had a great run, but now she’s dead.  You seem to be cut from the same cloth, whaddaya say we snap some photos?  I’m sure it’ll turn out fine for you though.  And don’t worry, we’ve got a GREAT cocaine guy.”

ps:  “Same playful spirit?”  I don’t want to discount a good personality (or a willingness to positively destroy wealthy/influential d1ck, because you know that’s what they meant), but let’s not forget about her gigantic milkbombs the basics, ok?

pps:  Some of you youngsters are going to say “big deal, she’s nothing but another giant rack and an eating disorder, dime-a-dozen,” which is true, but keep in mind that she was big before the internet came along and proved once and for all that the earth is f*cking crawling with younger, hotter versions of Joan Lloyd.  Back then, we weren’t so sure, so you had to populate the spankbank wherever and whenever you could.  Anna Nicole and her spectacular jeans ads fit that bill, and how!

 

For a chuckle, remember that she's selling jeans in this picture.

 

Question: Why Is Christina Aguilera Smiling?

8-/

 

 

Answer:  To mask the pain.  It’s to mask the pain.
 
This is what real happiness looks like:

 

Dude. GET OUT OF THE SHOT.

For Your Review As I Leave For Vacation

Boston, MA – Look at them. Pretty ridiculous. Look how smooth. Omg, you guys. Almost like they already have their own built in lotion for natural fluming. It must have been Jesus or God, or maybe both, that blessed her with those 36C conversation pieces. “We wanted you to be born with the ability to never wait in line, fix your car, or ever buy a drink for as long as you shall live.” God bless God and Jesus, the original jism wranglers. God is literally OG. “Come on, Martin, those don’t even look real.” Well, we’ve said it once and we’ll say it again: “Real or fake, who cares, you don’t lick the insides.”

Munson, out. Red in the motherfuckin’ house!

 

"If you put a seashell up to your ear, you can her the skin stretching"

 

 

Friday’s “Red’s Getting A Concealed Carry Permit” Poll!

 

Hot Tub: All the guns you'll ever need

As Martin mentioned, I’m getting my concealed carry permit in a few weeks.  (Plus six month government security check, because why should law abiding private citizens get to arm themselves?*)  Those of you who are in the know already understand that they make 9mm pea shooters that are small enough to holster to your hog (don’t think I haven’t thought about it), but I’m more old fashioned.  I’m thinking about a .357 magnum revolver.  Not to conceal, just to “have.”

 

Mrs. Red correctly points out that, for the entirety of my many decades, I’ve never been required to pull out a 6 or 8 shot revolver and blow away any invaders or Osama Bin Laden.  That’s true.  She thinks maybe my money might be better spent on a home improvement:  a hot tub in the back yard.  Now, I know what you’re thinking:  “Red, she’s telling you she’s into a three-way!”  I know, I know, she totally is.  But take a look at those guns!  No no those guns down here:

627: An 8 Shooter, Just To Be Sure They're Dead

686: 6 Shots, Stainless Steel Good Looks

 

What Should Red Buy Next?

View Results

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*It’s the Constitution.  The answer is, “The Constitution.”

Some Silver Spooned MFer Steals $20K, Then Brags About It

Why don't we take a spin in my convertible, and see what other top we can take off?

 

 

Yahoo:  Bob Russell could not be blamed for losing hope that he would reunite with his 1967 Austin-Healey. Stolen outside his Philadelphia apartment 42 years ago, the British roadster seemed a lost cause.  When Russell, then a graduate student at Temple University, returned home the morning after a date with his future wife, his car was nowhere to be found. For decades since, he searched for his beloved ride in vain.

On a recent eBay session, though, his luck changed: the cream-colored car was listed for auction by a Los Angeles car dealer, with a final bid of $19,700. Russell, who now lives near Dallas, knew the car was his because its vehicle identification number (VIN) matched the one on the title he kept since the theft.

“I’m not trying to sound indelicate, but you’re selling my car,” Russell told the dealer.

 

Let’s ignore the fact that this guy basically stole twenty large from a reputable car dealer who is just trying to make an honest buck and who could not possibly have known that it was stolen four f-ing decades ago.  What kind of a-hole goes to college with a brand-new Austin Healy?  Some d1ck who would also use the word “indelicate,” that’s who.