Hair O' The Dog!
Answer: No. No they are not.
Follow-up Question: Red, aren’t you a little to old to be doing three five (six?) shots on any given night?
km
New Jenny Dell Song Just Released HERE!
Boston, MA – Take a look at this ass, ladies. You LOOK at it. Note the curves, the bounce effect, and how it appears the asshole is eating the pants that are enveloping it. That is how your ass is supposed to look. Also, notice how the owner of the ass can multitask and whisk up a box of mashed potatoes on her electric range. Is she the perfect woman? We may never know, but I’d be willing to bet if we could spin her around and get a look at the boobers, it’s not some flat-chested grossy that no one would look at on the beach. “Come on, Martin, it’s not always about the breasts.” No, it’s not, it begins with the ass, unless she’s facing you, then it begins with the boobers. “But what about a smile and nice eyes?” Eventually, yeah, I mean, when you’re eating dinner it’s not like your date is going to be balancing on her chair with her back to you, eating salad with her ass, so I will concede to that. At the same time, you could still Mission Accomplish and get your bang on even if you put a pillow case over her head. You know, at Wicked Improper, where we keep the dream of chivalry alive, it’s important that you ask that special someone permission before covering her face so you can imagine somebody prettier or famous. You know how sometimes you get frustrated as you’re just hammering away, hammering away, trying to finish one up before SportsCenter? Why not be a gentleman and ask politely, “Pardon me, would you mind if I balanced my iPad2 on your face and played a video of Kate Upton?”
This is what I like about Wicked Improper. We’re basically giving you the keys to unlock the mysterious poontanna, and it’s free of charge. What a country this is. Now let’s look at some ass.
"Permission to launch has been granted"
Loading ...(p.s. That Ass does not belong to Jenny Dell. Sorry. Although she probably has one like it.)
"Jenny F'ng Dell"
Boston, MA – Thank you for visiting Wicked Improper, Boston’s premiere time wasting destination. Try as we might to inject political or opinion pieces on current events, we just received a comment from a reader in our last post that said “Put more titty pictures for my helmet.” While we take orders from no one, (with the eventual exception of Beyonce’s attorneys), we do understand we have a commitment to our audience. And here I was, wasting my time writing a thoughtful Op-Ed piece about the ongoing cover-up regarding that cop in Beverly that I was going to title “Operation Balls Blown Off.” That one will have to wait. In the meantime, let’s pause and remember what we’re all here for: to look at some ass. This ass is brought to you by Wicked Improper. If you would like to sponsor or submit an ass, or want to have your gay hairbands’ new album plugged, or showcase so-called art or photography, email Red or Martin @wickedimproper.com for details. We are now open for any and all business.
"This woman does not poop"
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Boston, MA – The following is obviously a dramatization as if this bum had the ability to speak. This will work best if you play along and say the dialogue like you’re the Cookie Monster from Sesame Street, or Yoda if you’re a Star Wars geek:
“Bum hungry. Bum worked up an appetite. Bum want to eat Yoga pants. Bum want to eat your dick.”
"hi"
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Evidently God hates the Steelers?
In what I think might be the most ridiculous poll result ever, it looks like almost half of “the people” think that Tim Tebow’s success is directly related to divine intervention. Forget for a second the logical follow up debate about why people are dying of starvation but god has time to throw Tim and his team a bone (!) and tilt the advantage in their direction. Maybe instead of Denver being god’s team, the games’ outcomes are more a reflection of what god thinks of the teams that Denver’s beating? “Pittsburgh? Those guys are a$$holes! The Chiefs, now there’s a team! Romeo Crennel seems like a nice guy, he’s always smiling. That’s also the reason I let them beat Green Bay and f*ck up their whole perfect season.” By association I guess that means god’s not on Green Bay’s side either, which is good news for the Giants. Based on that logic, I’m sure there’s a Kevin Baconian degrees of separation analysis I could do to determine the divine outcome of these games, but I’m starving and can’t reason with an empty stomach.
New Orleans -3.5 @ San Francisco. This is the only game where I’m laying the points, but the Saints are surging and I simply don’t believe in San Francisco. New Orleans is similar to Miami in that the players actually experience LESS booze and wh0res and MORE sleep when they’re on the road, so it’s actually a plus here.
Houston +7.5 @ Baltimore. Tim Tebow is a little over-zealous in his dealings with Jesus and his infuriating refusal to pork Katy Perry, and the media is up his a$$. The Reverend Ray Lewis is implicated in a murder and all we hear is “Wow what a great and passionate leader.” Something’s wrong, my friends. My two biggest locks of the week? I’m not going to fix it by myself, and I’m certainly not going to church on Sunday.
NYG + 7.5 @ Green Bay. Aaron Rogers is a f*cking robot, but I’m starting to think that the Giants can at least keep the game close, given Green Bay’s shaky defense. I doubt the Giants can win, but 7.5 is a lot, and as we’ve already discussed, the lord hates the Packers.
Denver +13.5 @ New England. Three career-type years were put up by quarterbacks in the league this year: Rogers, Brees, and Brady killed this season, and they’re all in the hunt still. But Tim Tebow is getting all the attention because he doesn’t rail chicks he’s the king of the comeback. This could be an absolute abortion of a game Saturday night, but you know what? I don’t think the league officials will allow that. They almost blew it last week by nearly handing the game to the Steelers. So I expect to see PLENTY of calls against the Pats, mysterious non-calls in favor of the Broncos, and horrible ball spots for the Pats that will blow your mind, just to keep things close. You don’t put on a party for 50 million people and then lay an egg, you have give the bloodthirsty masses what they want.
"Kill the kid if you have to, but for the love of god, keep the f*cking game close."
Boston, MA – Brrrrrrrr. It’s chilly out there, but now, thanks to the Thursday Taint, the forecast under my desk is warm with a chance of precipitation. Before you email me to ask how I would feel if someone was posting pictures of my daughter, please keep in mind that it’s very easy for me to disassociate myself from reality when fantasizing, and to think of women as mere objects. Of course, in real life, I treat them as regular humans beings just like you and me, except I like to turn around and look at their asses when they’re walking through the mall.
"hi"
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Boston, MA – Men’s Health, the world’s largest magazine, is known for its’ articles on fitness, nutrition, fashion, and relationships. It’s also widely used by gay men around the world to fantasize about having a body like the celebrities and fitness models on the cover, and then rubbing loads all over the abs and faces on them. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. I used to absolutely destroy Connie Sellecca’s face on the cover of my mom’s Redbook. Every night, I’d make a wish before bedtime that a new cover would somehow magically grow back to replace the one that I melted. My family used to joke around about how the Magazine Fairy must have visited in the night and taken all the covers. With that being said, let’s try to keep that in mind as we wonder, together, how Men’s Health ever came up with the preposterous claim that Jennifer Aniston is the “Hottest Woman of All Time.”
Here’s the real comparison:
Jennifer Aniston: Inspired “The Rachel”, where everyone, including your mother and even fat girls tried to mimic her hairdo. She played the same character in 44 movies. She married Brad Pitt, who is a notorious dunce, and dated John Mayer, who wrote an ironic song about how fathers should be good to their daughters, even though he’s roaming the earth trying to fuck them all.
BiBi Jones: Likes country music, shopping, laughing, being silly, and having your dick in and out of her all afternoon.
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"I am absolutely speechless"
Boston, MA – Jesus Fucking Christ.
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Come on.
School Bus. School Bus? This is a real ad. And what some ad executive had to pitch was “Hey! Let’s see if we can get middle Americans to buy the fact that this two seat, rear-wheel drive fellatio machine is every bit as utilitarian as a pickup truck or a minivan! Oh – and let’s make them pay 1/3 to 1/2 the cost of their house for it!” Then some other exec from Porsche had to set down his cocktail, ask the stripper who was dancing in front of him to step aside for a moment, and say ”Great! Make it happen, Cap’n!” Why veer from the tried-and-true method of focusing totally on nearly naked women and little-to-no information on the actual product?
While I’m at it, I heard some American car company on the radio the other day saying ”We’re not asking you to lower your standards to buy our cars” … Oh no? That’s a bit of a departure from a few years ago when they used to badmouth me for driving around a Toyota Tercel because I was a communist. Have we learned nothing from Gung Ho? I’m a pretty strong “America is good” type of guy, but if you’re not going to produce a legitimate product, guess what? We should let the “American Way” that you’re always going on about flush you down the toilet.
I'm rethinking the Caravan purchase.
When you think about it, nothing is original. Ideas, trends, movements, revolutions, and blogs are rehashed every so often in the history of mankind. It’s one of the reasons that older people are more relaxed, while people in their 20′s are so excitable. (Other reasons are that old farts know they’re dying, and twenty-somethings of today are fighting their natural instinct to procreate.)
Most trends come back around during one’s lifetime, so older folks are less likely to get worked up over ”the next big thing.” Movies are a great example:
Whippersnapper: Ooh, Ben Affleck and a bunch of other B-listers are in a great new movie called ‘Pearl Harbor!’ Let’s go see it!
Gray Balls: Eh, I saw ‘From Here to Eternity’ 35 years ago, I think I’ll pass.
Perception of beauty is the same. Styles and preferences come and go, but really the industry revolves around trying to come up with something “different.” Well “different” is relative, and luckily for the machine, our memories are short, so what is considered “different” is really just “not what we did last year.” Sophia Loren is beautiful? No, Mia Farrow is. No, Raquel Welch. No, Twiggy. No, Elle MacPherson. No, Kate Moss. No, Laetitia Casta. No, Cameron Diaz. No, Bar Refaeli…
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