Boston, MA – Ladies and Gentlemen, what you have just seen is a compound fracture of the big toe (spoiler alert.) The Primary Care Physician to the uninsured/unemployed (WebMD) defines a compound fracture exactly the way you think it would be defined: Compound (kom-pow-nd) fracture – “You will know when you have a compound fracture because a bone that was previously hidden beneath your skin is now exposed to daylight. Also, some symptoms you may exhibit when you have a compound fracture is making such proclamations as “OH MY MOTHER FUCKING GOD!”, “YOU FUCKING CUNT”, and “PLEASE GO BACK UNDER MY SKIN AND BEHAVE WITH THE OTHER BONES!” and/or vomiting all over yourself. If you believe you, or someone you know, may be the victim of a compound fracture, you should quickly pay a visit to the nearest emergency room prior to all of the blood leaving your body, hence, becoming lifeless for good. WebMD not responsible if you bled out while reading this definition.”
Now, that toe, the exposed bone, and all the blood belongs to Jon “Bones” Jones, who is, to quote a famous brown leather wallet of cinema, a “Bad Motherfucker.” Not only did he snap his big toe like you or I ferociously snap into a Slim Jim or a Polly-O string cheese, but he did it while punching someone’s face into the mat during his MMA bout this past Saturday night. After breaking his toe, Jon went on to win the fight anyway, refusing to think about the pain or, like when I got hit by a pitch in Little League, calling a time-out to cry.
At the time of this blog, there is no information on when those colonies of toe fungus settled into Jon’s feet. My guess is “9 years ago.”
Boston, MA – Since we have anonymous commenters telling us what should and should not be considered funny (i.e. yesterday’s video with those two idiots rolling an inflatable ball off the edge of the earth), here’s a nice video that is anywhere from G rated (if you have kids that would like to watch) to X rated (if you have a thing for snowmen and are overwhelmed with the urge to jerkoff or dill out.)
(Wicked Improper not responsible if you laugh at something you find funny, and then other people tell you that something is not funny, and you end up having to return your laugh.)
Boston, MA – If you’re a fan of reality TV, then you are probably aware of “Big Brother” on CBS. If you’re not a fan of reality TV, congratulations on having an average to above average IQ. However, if there was one reality show I had to watch, it would definitely be Big Brother. The show casts 12 housemates to compete against each other in mental and physical challenges for $500,000. As a side bonus for viewers, the female contestants typically prance around the house with what you and I would consider to be tightly bound awesome boobers. Does CBS handpick a specific body type for the show because they know their loyal male audience would prefer to look at perfectly mounted gravy bags rather than some gross flat chicks? I certainly like to think so. This doesn’t mean that flat-chested women shouldn’t send in their application. Believe it or not, occasionally a Flatty will appear on the show, albeit briefly, before they are deemed a visual outcast and thankfully evicted. Nobody wants to look at that. Not the contestants, and certainly not the viewers. You have to have an extremely nice bum to make up for a small chest. To all of the flat women out there thinking about going on Big Brother, please reconsider and send in your application to a makeover show on Bravo that focuses on breast enhancements. If there’s not already a show like that, there should be one called “From oo to OO.”