France – A hiker who plunged 1,000 feet to her death was eaten by Griffon vultures before she could be rescued. The 52-year-old’s bones, clothes and shoes were all that remained after being pounced on by the scavengers in the French/Spanish Pyrenees mountain range. They devoured her body in just 40 minutes. The woman is believed to have died during the April 14 fall, rather than from being attacked by the birds.
Boston, MA (and in the Pyrenees, France where Lance Armstrong won his Tour de France’s with one ball and wildebeest blood in his veins) – Well, I guess this hiker didn’t see the signs about not feeding the wildlife. Anyway, what’s the last thing you want to hear after you’ve fallen 1,000 feet? If you said “A dozen Griffon vultures going “CAW! CAW!” as they circle my broken body” you were right! Griffon vultures are known to have razor sharp talons and beaks they use to crack open shellfish and coconuts. If you close your eyes right now (but somehow keep reading this), imagine the sensation of falling 1,000 feet to what you think is going to be your instant death. But no. Griffa please! The first thing you feel is simultaneously breaking every bone in your body. Try to make light of the situation by singing “The head bone connected to the, neck bone, the neck bone connected to the, shoulder bone” and so on, but with the understanding that nothing is no longer connected. The next sensation you feel is a delusional one, and it’s a genetic defense mechanism all human’s have that says, and you’ll forgive me for not having the medical term handy, but basically, “Hey, maybe shit gonna a’ight.” The third and final sensation you’ll ever feel is one of false hope, and what you think are shadows from the rotating propeller blades of a Red Cross helicopter coming to save you are really the shadows of 70 Griffon Vultures coming to peck your dick off.