Boston, MA – As Spring time looms, and love is in the air, we couldn’t let you start your weekend without reminding you that Valentine’s Day is Tuesday. As you sit across the dinner table from your wife or girlfriend, pretending to listen about her day, you’ll really be thinking about one thing: “Within two hours from now, I am going to re-introduce my penis to this woman’s vagina.” Some of you may even get it done within the hour, if you skip dessert and have enough room in your SUV. But the point is, this is the time of year when chivalry matters most. Let her order an appetizer if she wishes, and as you add up the bill for all of the shit she’s ordering in your head, remember not to eat too much yourself because you know you can’t do love-make on a full belly. If you do plan on banging her in your car, really make an effort to show her how romantic you can be by pre-setting your buttons to radio stations that play love songs, or Jam’n 94.5 if you’re prone to rapid-fire thrusting. When you’re finished, remember, she’s a lady, she’s your girl, and you’ve just shown her the time of her life. You’ve taken her out for a nice dinner, and you have the wet naps in your possession from Buffalo Wild Wings to prove it. Now, get ready for the slam dunk finale from Captain Romantic. When you’re done, pull out a lemon-scented wet nap and say “Would you like me to wipe off your face and neck, or shall I turn on the light behind the visor and let you do it?” Once that’s over with, there really should be no argument that you’d like to go home and watch SportsCenter, in silence.

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