You: "Where's the Volleyball?" Me: "Who cares?"
Boston, MA - It’s that time of year again. People start exercising, eating right, getting ready to show off their abs, tits and pussies, etc. Actually, that reminds me, I have to find a new beach on the Cape this year because last Summer, while napping on the jetties, I sprouted a boner made of granite that could be spotted from the shoreline. It probably wouldn’t have drawn so much attention if it wasn’t the anchor for my kite. Making matters worse, the Lifeguard used his bullhorn to announce that children should not approach the jetties until the tide went out on my rager. Anyway, February 1 is when I start taking physical fitness seriously, in all aspects. So, I was flipping through Men’s Health the other day, the bi-curious fitness magazine whose covers have no doubt been the recipients of countless splashdowns, and they made a suggestion I want to share with you. Keep in mind, this is a free tip, so it’s not like you’re going to be harrassed for a subscription:
Men’s Health: Drink a lot of pineapple juice to make your cum taste better.
Now, maybe my pH balance is off, or maybe I’m not drinking enough, because I honestly haven’t noticed any difference. The other interesting thing they noted was, while you’re sitting in a cube (totally oblivious to how pointless your life has become), consciously exhaling your abs throughout the day stimulates the muscles. I tested this method at 9:01 this morning, and by 9:03, I was enjoying my Chobani Greek Strawberry Yogurt by dunking my blueberry cake donut from Honey Dew. Remember, you have to reward yourself here and there to make the workouts mean something. In closing, I can’t tell you how to live your life. There is no shame with dying sooner than the average life expectancy. Yeah, some shame will be there a couple of days later for your loved ones, especially when they go through your stuff and find skid-marked underpants, and athletic socks under your bed that would shatter if dropped.
“Be the best you you can be. That’s not a typo. Be the best YOU you can be. Just be you, okay?” – Gatorade
Boston, MA – After several days of Super Bowl misery, it’s nice to finally be able to bring you some good news. We are now just 6 weeks aways from Pitchers and Catchers reporting. Of course, I’m talking about the Red Sox, and not about the male tourists flocking to Provincetown. I actually don’t know when those guys start reporting, but like an Indian putting his ear to the ground to hear a stampede coming, there’s probably a few gifted cock Shamans that can hear dicks thumping their way down Route 6. One of them stands up and dusts himself off: “Cock coming. Lots and lots of cock. Maybe too many cock. Me worried for all of our ass.” They say that if you buy a seashell from a Provincetown gift shop and then hold it up to your ear, no matter where you are in the world, you can hear a whole mess of balls slapping against each other. And you know after a long Winter, some of the residents probably have to wear galoshes from all the jism just flowing down Commercial street. It’s a magical place. Anyway, gayers are welcome to read this blog just like anyone else, and we even covered Barney Frank’s upcoming wedding.
And now it’s time to play, The VolleyNaughty Challenge!
"Two in the Back?" (okay)
"If I have a choice between in or out, I choose in"
Boston, MA (home of the easiest women in America) – Each Tuesday, we play “The VolleyNaughty Challenge”, a game where everybody wins. As bloggers, there’s a soothing sense of calm that comes over us when we provide our readers with a game where there are no losers, kind of like Candyland, or when a doctor plants another set of fake cones on a breastically challenged woman. Before you take today’s challenge, can we all agree that Adidas held the world’s shortest, yet most successful marketing meeting of all time when someone, probably a guy, suggested the following: “I think we should put our logo right in front of the woman’s pussy. Meeting adjourned.” I’m sure they did market research before sending their fabric designs to their manufacturing plants in China and Cambodia, and that research determined that when males encounter females, they immediately look at boobers, then puss region, then ass region, and then head region, but that last region isn’t too important. That’s why Adidas headwear for women, including visors (hot) to those mesh running caps (gay), makes up less than 2% of their overall revenue dollars. Final analysis: Head or no head, we can still make blasties on you.
Boston, MA – As two moderately famous bloggers, Red and I were thrilled to hear President Obama mention us during his speech while hosting the Boston Bruins at the White House yesterday. He said “I’m sure you’re ‘Wicked’ happy to be here today” and then went on to not use the word ‘Improper.’ Still, that’s pretty close, and I’m sure when people heard it, they were immediately reminded to come here. Alright, enough with the political shit. Red, cue up some ass lookin’ music, something with a funky beat, and now let’s look at some ass. Awww yeah. Now Martin gonna creep in like Snoop and do a quick rap all free styley:
Bump that ass, tap that ass, forget about SOPA let me grip that ass,
You up there, captain of the ship, we hit a fuckin’ sandbar while that whore on yo’ tip,
Paterno in the ground, that none of yo’ business, Sandusky is happy cuz there goes a witness,
Bump that ass, tap that ass, forget about PIPA let me lick that ass. Aww yeah, we outta here.
"This is one of those pictures that makes you wish you had two dicks"
Boston, MA – Thanks for visiting Wicked Improper. Would you look at that ass?