Wednesday Wouldya? » Wicked Improper

What Constructive Shit Have You Done In The Last Day And A Half?

"I'm hungry. Bring me your infants. Medium rare."

Sydney Morning Herald: It may go down as one of the great currency bets in Australian dollar history – a $US1 billion gamble on a Reserve Bank rate cut that has delivered a $US19 million profit in 36 hours. The beneficiary, if you believe the rumour mill, is investment legend George Soros. Best of all, it appears the 82-year-old American pulled off the deal three times, all with different foreign exchange brokers in Asia, for a tidy profit of almost $US60 million.

Huh. In the last 36 hours, I went to the gym, had one more-or-less wasted day at work, and executed one-and-a-half flawless bowel movements. “If you believe the rumour mill,” Ol’ Georgie made sixty million dollars.

That’s nice for him.

The Wednesday Wouldya?

"Asalaam Wakenbakem"

Boston, MA – I’m afraid I have some very bad news to bring you this morning. By now, some of you may have heard the reports about the explosions that took place at the Boston Marathon a week ago from last Monday. The reports were true and it was just awful. Just to bring you up to speed, there were two bombs that were detonated near the finish line. Please be advised that the next couple of sentences contain details of a graphic nature. Glass was shattered. Three people were killed. No, not like in Call of Duty where you get to keep respawning. People lost some of their limbs. There isn’t a Lost and Found booth for that. “Excuse me, would you happen to have one size 12 New Balance with G-shock Absorber soles? You’ll be able to tell mind apart from any others because my left foot is still inside of it.” There were many, many others that were prevented from finishing the race. Even Starbucks on Boylston Street reported their lowest revenue totals in Marathon history. It was that serious. It’s hard to imagine, but for several days after, my libido was at an all time low. I was only able to ring toss 6 honey-dipped donuts onto my morning boners, where you guys know I can typically ring 9. Fortunately, as a little time has passed and I’ve done some healing, I am very happy to report that I am back up to 8 donuts.

Which brings us to the Wednesday Wouldya, Zubeidat Tsarnaev, the mother of Dickhead 1 and Dickhead 2. Per usual, I’ll start us off and let you know how I voted, so, here we go….drumroll….I would. Yep, I know, shocker. There is something so inherently sexual, not to mention convenient, about a burka doubling as your jizz rag. You know how sometimes you don’t have a towel handy so you end up just wiping off on the drapes in your room at the Radisson? Well, the burka solves all of that. Also, can you just imagine the hot naughty talk from this MILF (which, I guess in this case, the M stands for Muslim.)

Zubeidat: “Martin, على وجهيصوّب brogurt ” (translation: “Martin, splash on me with your brogurt.”)

Martin: (pulls out, runs around front) “Pardon me, Zubeidat, would you have any White Poupon?” (Baboooosh!)

Now that you know how I voted and finished up, please cast your vote whether or not you would with Zubeidat. Please keep in mind that this is a very difficult time in our city, so please be respectful of others feelings before you cast your vote whether or not you would penetrate.

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"One grasping the severity, one clearly is not"

The Wednesday Wouldya?

"no" (no?)

Boston, MA – Good morning! How was your Tuesday night? Mine was fairly quiet, and I thank you for wondering about that. Mrs. Munson and I tried the “Reverse Kim Jong Un” last night. It’s just like Reverse Cowgirl, only you continue making false claims that you’re about to cum. Which brings us to today’s Wednesday Wouldya, Nicky Minaj. Per usual, I’ll go ahead and start us off and let you know how I voted, so here we go…..drumroll…..I would. Yep, I know, shocker. Her outfits are a little Gaga-esque, and I honestly don’t know if I’ve ever heard one of her songs. Nonetheless, she is yet another beautiful recipient of the best invention known to mankind, the breast implant, and therefore, I wouldwouldwould. You know, there’s an old saying, “Give a man a fish, he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish, and from the shore it kinda looks like you’re jerking him off.” But there’s another saying that’s pertinent to this blog, and it’s “Once you go black, you never go back.” Well, while we’d certainly be willing to give it a shot, me and my white hand find that very hard to believe. Oh, pardon me, “my white hand and I.” Please cast your vote below, and remember, respect other peoples feelings before you decide whether or not you would penetrate.

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"How about now?"

The Wednesday Wouldya?

(sing)"Where Have All The Twinkies Gooonnne?"

Boston, MA and within that immense cleavage – Good Afternoon. I was watching TV last night and saw that Wynonna Judd was going to be on “Dancing with the Stars” and my first thought was “Which one is she, Pluto?” My second thought, naturally, was “Wouldya?” It only took me and my dick 3 seconds to come up with the answer, so per usual I’ll go first and let you know how we voted….drumroll…..I would. Yep, I know, shocker. Not to go into details, but I tend to make love rather, well, how do I say this….deep. Sometimes it gets to the point where my helmet bounces off the ribcage and makes the bones sound like a xylophone. I ‘probably’ could not get there with Wynonna, as she is a whole lotta woman and then a whole lot more. But, if I know Southern chicks and female fans of Country music, I’ll bet you the dirt road is open for business, if you catch my smelly drift. Please cast your vote below, and have some respect for other people’s feelings as you make your decision whether or not you would penetrate Wynonna.

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The Wednesday Wouldya?

"Before you decide, I'm kinda sorta on trial for murder"

Boston, MA – Ahhh. Inhale. You smell that? Murder is in the air! Of course, the big news story this week surrounds the sprinter from South Africa who shot his model girlfriend for going pee in the night. So, if you count the Academy Awards this Sunday, that will make the second time in a week we’ll have Oscar’s on a red carpet.

So, who’s the broad up there? That’s Jodi Arias, who allegedly killed her boyfriend, took pictures of his dead body, left town for 5 days, didn’t tell anyone he died, came back, told the cops they were attacked by intruders, never called for help or reported anything, then eventually said she killed him in self-defense. Let me cut to the chase: She’s going to prison. That’s not even a spoiler, I’m just using common sense, coupled with my experience as a Forensics/Bullshit expert from the 4,000 episodes of Dateline I’ve watched. Speaking of that, I hope they cancel that show before they air 7 billion episodes, otherwise we have all become the victims of murder.

Which brings us to the Wednesday Wouldya? Per usual, I’ll go ahead and let you know how I voted, so here we go….drumroll…..I would. Yep, I know, shocker. She’s a black widow. You pull your dick out to grab a little napkin or whatever and she’ll cut your throat before you have time to tap the drips off. Plus, if you know anything about the story, she was put on god’s green earth to fuck your brains out. She claimed in court that her boyfriends’ last days were filled with, among other things, anal. Please have some respect as you cast your vote whether or not you would penetrate.

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The Wednesday Wouldya?

"young/old"

Boston, MA – Ladies, we already know you would like any combination of money, power, access to the White House, good looks, big black dicks, friends in high places, and Secret Service detail for life. But, would you let President Obama split your uprights on his desk in the Oval Office? I’m sure they’ve shampooed the shit out of that place but if you close your eyes and inhale, you can probably still get a whiff of Monica. It would not surprise this blogger if someone opened a tuna club sandwich and staffers joked about how they could smell the Ghost of Monica’s pussy. Anyway, this is a tough one for me to answer because even though I personally have nothing against it, I just know that I wouldn’t like having my dick in another guy’s bum and/or vice versa. Especially that vice versa part because I am naturally tender down there, to the point where I’ve had tears streaming down my face when making a poop. So, given that I am out of the voting on this one, I asked our in-house big black dick expert, Mrs. Munson, to take over the rest of this blog.

Mrs. Munson: “Allow me to start off the voting, here we go……drumroll…..I would. Yep, I know, shocker. Does it look like he’s aging 10 years for every 1 that passes? Yes. Could you squint your eyes and make believe you were getting your honey hole pounded by Blair Underwood or Lenny Kravitz? Probably not, but I’d be willing to give it a shot. Please be respectful of our Commander in Chief as you cast your vote whether or not you would allow him to make a baby in you.”

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The Wednesday Wouldya?

"They're calling for precipitation"

Boston, MA – Even though Sandy the Storm was a month ago, those c-suckers in New York have just now finally stopped talking about all the damage and power outages. Take a positive out of a negative New York, at least your electricity bill for the month is going to be mad low. And while we’re on the subject, if the National Weather Center has to name the next storm something that begins with a ‘T’ and it comes up short of predictions, they may as well call it “Tyrion” after that dwarf on ‘Game of Thrones.’ Now let’s get down to business. My friend Curley emailed and said he had “officially put Shiri Spear” of Fox25 news into his “spank bank.” If she’s reading this, I hope Shiri considers this an honor as it takes a very special gal to even be considered for Curley’s Whack Rolodex. I’ve seen Shiri on the morning news, and yeah, I can pull my balls this way and that way to her before getting out of bed, but I don’t know if she’s given me a rager (unless it’s already up to make tinkles.) Which brings us to the Wednesday Wouldya? Would you guys nail her? Per usual, I’ll go ahead and start off the voting, so here we go… drumroll …. I would. Yep, I know, shocker. Even though she’s a little on the chubby side, you know she can forecast the shit out of your tee time. At first “glance” this looks like an easy decision, but take a “look” at the picture below before casting your vote. Please be respectful of others feelings before saying whether or not you would choose to penetrate.

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"Reading from two teleprompters?"

The Wednesday Wouldya?

Boston, MA – My Fellow Improperans, I implore you to cast your vote whether or not you would put your dick all the way into Katy Perry. Women can also play along, but they would either have to imagine having an awesome dick, or simply recall the days when they would strap one on and haze the pledges in their sorority. Now, this decision is not as easy as it once was. Remember when Katy was singing “I kissed a girl and I liked it”? Like you, I would be tappin’ the old foot and singing right along, but making up my own lyrics: “I kissed a girl and I liked iiiiiit, but then I got laid for the first time and never cared if I ever kissed anyone agaiiiiiin.” Per usual, I’ll start us off and let you know how I voted, so……drumroll….I would. Yep, I know, shocker. But, there is no other way to take the meaning of this dress than “Mr. President, the long, brown, Air Force One in your pants is cleared for landing between my overly publicized gravy bags.” She’s into TF’ing, you guys. She wants it. And, I totally get why Biden’s name is situated right along her digestive tract. But, if I’m Mitt Romney, looking at my name in 30 font across her pussy, even though I somehow lost the election (with rigged voting machines my son bought), I think I’d throw my legs up on Paul Ryan’s back and wrangle one out the only way Mormon’s know how, “Oh Golly Gosh Darn Willikers, I’m about to shoot another offering for Joe Smith!” Anyway, sometimes I wish women could be more outgoing like Katy, maybe be a little more assertive about indicating their attraction to you. Like pressing their breasts together and ‘up’ during regular conversations, or rubbing their pussy on the doorhandle to your car. Then you’d get to your car after work and go “oh, now what the fuck is this?”, and as you put your hand up to your nose it’s like “Oh, Veronica from Accounting was here. I always suspected.” Anyway, they say romance is dead, but clearly I have a gift for sharing ideas to keep things exciting and fresh.

(Please be respectful of others feelings as you cast your vote below whether or not you would nail Katy with or without the assistance of a strap on dildo)

"Boobers: 10, Leg Tone: 0"

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"Gay wig"

Halloween Wouldya?

Boston, MA – Ah, Halloween. All Hallow’s Eve. The Eve of the Hallows. The Hall of Weens. The Weenie down your Hallway. For some reason, today is the day we encourage our children to approach just any old house without first doing an internet search for Level 3 sex offenders. Speaking from my own past experience, there may be no memory more difficult for a child to shed than a man answering his door with a dish full of Reese’s cups in one hand, and a pulsing boner stretching through thermal pajamas in the other. While we’re on the subject of Trick or Treating, I would like to formally apologize to any child that visits my elderly father’s house this evening. He will provide you with candy, however, be prepared to earn it by enduring a 20 minute monologue about the Korean War.

Which brings us to the Wednesday Wouldya? This one is sort of a no-brainer (kind of like voting for Scott Brown next week.) Per usual, I’ll go ahead and start us off by letting you know how I voted. So, here we go….drumroll…..I would would would would. Yep, I know, shocker. This is kind of like a Benetton ad. You have the blond, the polynesian, the slut, and the hispanic. The four major food groups of tramp are all represented. If one were so inclined, one could play “Pop Yo’ Dick” from one mouth to the next, bouncing it off their tongues like you were playing the meat xylophone. Of course, unlike the porns where the guys are lasting 28 minutes, I imagine most of you would make it about 11 seconds before yelling “Rat-tat-tat-tat!” and shooting a Tommy Gun of jism. Personally, I would rather ask the ladies “Pardon me, would you have any White Poupon?”, but that’s just because I consider myself somewhat of a gentleman.

(Please be respectful of others as you cast your vote below)

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The Wednesday Wouldya?

She’s going to take on Wall Street! She’s going to take on Big Oil! (how did that work out for JFK?) She’s for middle class America! She’s 1/32 part Cherokee! She sold her BMW and bought an American hybrid 3 months before running for office! She submitted someone else’s recipes to a cookbook and claimed them as her own! She made a mistake on her job application to Harvard and selected the wrong ethnic background! The error just so happened to classify her as a minority which helped her get the $350,000 a year job! Whoops a daisy! She railed against predatory banks and heartless foreclosures, and yet, she herself purchased foreclosed homes and flipped them for profit! She’s Elizabeth Warren and I think she would make a great Senator because Mickey’s Wards first boxing coach says so while throwing slow-motion uppercuts during her nauseating, pandering, never-ending TV ads!

Which brings us to the Wednesday Wouldya? Guys, wouldya nail her? Girls, would you get drunk and silly and strap one on by accident and let her have it you know where? Per usual, I’ll go ahead and start us off and let you know how I voted, so, here we go….drumroll……I would. Yep, I know, shocker. For a moment, I didn’t know if I could get past the fact she resembles the guy on the side of the Dutch Boy paint can. And, even though one, no, make that two of my prerequisites are perfectly round boobers to mash against while I’m hammering away, I honestly do not know if she has them. I did a Google search for “Elizabeth Warren Unleashed Gravy Cannons” but came back with 0 results. If anyone can find one, please link it in the comments section. Anyway, I would, just because she would simultaneously allow me to check off “famous chick” and “vampire” from my “who do I want to nail before I die?” list.

(Please send this to everyone you work with, and remember to be respectful of others as you cast your vote below whether or not you would nail Elizabeth.)

"It has to be at least this big"...."Don't worry, baby, it is."

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The Wednesday Wouldya?

Boston, MA – Great to be back after a 10 day vacation on the Island of Plum. Honestly, the first thing that happened this morning was walking into the bathroom, going tinkles, and then the waistband of my boxer briefs slipped off my thumb and practically snapped my hardon in two. Forget about taking a cold shower or drinking black coffee, you are definitely awake after nearly getting your dickhead decapitated. Anyway, a lot of fucked up shit happened while I was gone. A shark ate a seal on Cape Cod and made it look easy. That black dude from “The Green Mile” decided to die rather than marry Omarosa. We sent a $2.5 billion go-kart to Mars to find a cure for absolutely nothing. And now, the taxpayers of Massachusetts are going to foot the bill for a male inmate to swap his dick for a pussy and probably get tits put on (good move), almost like a real live game of Mr. Potatohead. There may be no bigger trump card in the game of prison favor swapping than bringing your newly mounted pussy to the table. The other inmates will be haggling for that coveted laundry gig by offering Snickers and Marlboros, then you walk up and you’re like “Dominos motherfuckers!” and slam your pussy down. Game, set, snatch.

Which brings us to the Wednesday Wouldya? Today we present you with the inmate himherself, Michelle Kosilek, and you vote whether or not you would nail it. Per usual, I’m going to get us started and let you know how I voted, so…..drumroll…..I would. Yep, I know, shocker. But you have to remember, when you’re in prison there’s not a whole lot going on. There’s probably daily contests to see who can pound the most meat, which, by the way, I could see a few of you competing fairly well. Plus, when you’re behind bars for life, I bet you spend the first five years asking your cellmate to turn around and would he kindly turn up his iPod while you put your dick between the bunkrail and mattress. That would get pretty old pretty quick, and I don’t care if you’ve lubed it with some Crisco you swiped from the mess hall. Eventually you want some strange, and it don’t get much stranger than a pussy where a dick used to be.

"Please don't call me Geddy Lee"

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Wednesday Wouldya, Midnight Express Edition

Before (circa 1994)

Afta afta (circa 2012)

Daily Mail: When Angela Carnegie made the disastrous decision to smuggle heroin from Thailand, she had no idea how much worse her life could get. After being caught at Bangkok airport, she was sentenced to life in a Thai prison in 1993 – where she was forced to eat rotting food teeming with maggots, sleep next to prisoners with leprosy and survive without running water.

Carnegie, from Chicago, was in her twenties and had just broken up with a serious boyfriend. Feeling vulnerable, she decided to take up a friend’s offer for some quick cash by bringing a suitcase lined with drugs back to the U.S. Thai officials spotted her immediately at the airport and she was arrested. She sentenced to life at the infamous ‘Bangkok Hilton’ prison.

She said that after she was sentenced, she contemplated suicide. The prison is called the ‘Big Tiger’ by Thais because ‘it eats those on the inside’. During her decade at the prison, she would often sleep next to prisoners with tuberculosis, leprosy, pink eye and various other rashes and infections.

But her story does have a happy ending. After she was extradited to the United States on December 6, 2002, she gave that same boyfriend a call. He was the one person who told her not to go to Thailand. An eight-hour phone call lead to a nine-year marriage.

Obvious question, and I know you’re all thinking it, so I’m going to say/write it: 10 f8cking years in a Thai torture prison, and not one pound shed? Either the “Eat Less” diet is bullshit (it’s not) or I’m not getting the whole story here. Don’t get me wrong, this prison would eat me up and shit me out the other end, but it does make me raise an eyebrow. And what about that dude who dumped her, told her not to go smuggle drugs, then marries her 10 years later, knowing full well that she might have leprosy and “various other rashes and infections?” “Various. Other. Rashes.” No thanks. But National Geographic did a story about her, so I guess it has to be true.

Would I leave the US to smuggle drugs out of the Far East? Hell no, I saw Midnight Express. Would I marry this lady a decade after she skipped town? I doubt it – I haven’t forgotten about the VORs. But would show her my Big Tiger while she was still in the can? Despite my misgivings about the details of this story, of course I ”would.” Can you imagine the conjugal visits at this joint? Insanity. Plus a great story to tell. I’d have either walked out of there triumphant, or humiliated that a) I couldn’t please 50 willing women at once and b) my dick fell off from leprosy.

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The Wednesday Wouldya?

Boston, MA – We couldn’t let the day end without a Wednesday Wouldya?, starring Casey Anthony. Yes, as I mentioned earlier, her probation ends tomorrow at midnight. Still, the question remains: Wouldya? She was acquitted of all charges (except the one about check fraud, but I think our dicks can look the other way on that one) and now she can focus her energy where it belongs: on the late-night party circuit. Let’s review some of the pros and cons, and then respectfully cast your vote if you would nail her after you review some evidence we’ve gathered.

Cons:

1. Literally was voted the most hated person in America.

2. Based on public opinion, nearly everyone thinks she is guilty of murdering her daughter.

3. Probably going to have some issues based on the two previous cons.

4. As a female, she is most likely going to talk, a lot, about everything that happened during the course of her day.

Pros:

1. Awesome tits

2. Probably will completely understand if you up and leave after jism launch. Let’s face it, at this point she’s just happy to have the company.

"Hut one....hut two....OMAHA!"

"Friend is one pound away from needing a longer shirt"

"Congrats, you just won the costume contest"

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The Wednesday Wouldya?

Boston, MA – You know the overused, borderline humorous saying “do you have tickets to the gun show?”, which is then typically accompanied by some douchebag flexing their muscles? Well, Red is literally back from the gun show, and he has a shiny, brand new gun to prove it. That’s what I love about Red. He says he’s going to do something and just does it. “I’m going to run an ultra-marathon.” I know, that sounds moderately pointless, but there he was just two weeks ago jogging through the desert. Then he said “I’m going to get a pistol called ‘The Judge’ that shoots shotgun shells. That way if I call 911 and they ask me for the location of the intruder I’ve killed, I can say ‘his body is slumped under my window, and his head went over my neighbors fence.” I mean, that’s just Red being Red. What you see is what you get, and if you don’t like it, he’ll blow you away. In case you missed his blog yesterday about Muslims and Jihad running wild in the streets of Disney, you can read that here. In the spirit of that Disney magic, here is a perfectly safe for work joke and I encourage you to use it today. If you want to maximize the “LOL” factor, try to do an impression of Donald or Mickey as you tell it:

“What do you call it when Donald Duck and his friends jerk off all over Mickey’s face?”

“Bu-Quack-ee!”

Which brings us to today’s Wednesday Wouldya? This was inspired by true events and Red’s Olympic recap blog about Nadzeya Ostapchuk, a female/male shot putter from Belarus who was disqualified from the Olympics and had to forfeit his/her gold medal for doping. Could a case be made the IOC opted to use “doping” as the scapegoat because that would be an easier pill for the world to swallow than “it turns out the female contestant has a dick”? Absolutely. Per usual, I will hesitantly get us started and let you know how I voted, so, here we go…..drumroll…..I would. Yep, I know, shocker. Granted, a prostate massage is definitely out of the question for fear it would go elbow deep and use me to put on some kind of hairy puppet show. And, yes, yes, the fact it kind of looks like she’s the lead singer of AC/DC certainly has it’s obvious drawbacks. But, you haven’t had sweet nothings panted into your ear until you’ve had husky Belarusian sweet nothings. And, technically, she was once the proud owner of a gold medal, which makes her famous, and that’s good enough for me.

"omfg"

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The Wednesday Wouldya?

Boston, MA – Instead of watching the Olympics last night, I ended up tuning in for AMC’s “Mob Week”, where the network and their sponsors stretch each Godfather installment out over the span of 11 hours. Not only does this provide an extraordinary amount of suspense for the viewer, but it also gives them the opportunity to subconsciously memorize countless product slogans and jingles. At this point, I have the overwhelming desire to purchase Cialis, Ambien, and a new Sleep Sofa. However, I am afraid that if I take those pills at the same time, I’m going to end up nailing Bernie & Phyl and then taking a nap in their showroom.

Which brings us to today’s “Wouldya?”, Mrs. Phelps, the mother of 19 time medal winner and notorious bong hitter, Michael Phelps. I have to be completely honest here, this was a tough decision for me and Little Martin. But, per usual, I’ll start us off and let you know how I voted, so here we go…..drumroll……I would. Yep, I know, shocker. This shirt kind of makes her look like she’s on Safari, and I don’t mean as a tourist. But, what’s that we see poking out from the Boober Region? (spoiler: boobers) That’s almost good enough for me, because if you recall our previous discussions, an argument can be made that sometimes women don’t really even need a head. It’s clear that she herself has never even swam a single lap, which I take as a positive because that means she knows where the really good snacks are.

(Please be respectful of others as you cast your vote whether or not you Would nail Mrs. Phelps)

"Seacrest, In!"

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The Wednesday Wouldya?

Boston, MA – “Hot enough for ya?” Yep, here we are in the 2nd and final day of a two day heat wave, and some asshole in the hallway just asked me if it was hot enough for me. Perhaps more unbearable than the heat itself are the armchair meteorologists that think they’re Fox25 cutie Kevin Lemanowicz (omg did I just type that outloud?) “A thunderstorm this afternoon should really help to cool things down.” Yeah? You think some rainfall might help us out, genius? Prediction: When the rain stops, your mashed up balls and humid vaggies will still be hanging just as low as they were before the rain. Another prediction: When you’re raking leaves in 7 weeks, don’t come back here and ask ol’ Martin and Red where the heat wave went. It’s here now, enjoy gawking at all the Milfs and Beavs while you can because it’s almost time for them to subconsciously pack on 10 to 15 disgusting pounds.

Anyway, let’s just do the Wednesday Wouldya. Each week, we present a female of some sort to our audience and they must answer whether or not they would bang her. This week, we feature Joan Lloyd, who is now famous for preserving the loving memory of her dead husband by using his money to get Giganto F cannons mounted and spending the remainder of her days and his money getting facialed and boobled by her 28 year old boy toy, who the media is affectionately calling “Unemployed Phil.” You simply must click that link if you want to see the smile of a very happy man who clearly enjoys hog bouncing. Per usual, I’ll start us off and let you know how I voted…….drumroll……I would. Yep, I know, shocker. I will grant you that her hair, face, eyes, smile and skeletal frame sort of resemble the dude from Tales from the Crypt. However, however, this is just further proof that supports my claim that women don’t really even need a head. You could put perfectly mounted gravy bags on a mummy and most of us would still make blasties all over it. Remember, (everybody say it with me) “real or fake, who cares, you don’t lick the insides.”

Special thanks to Red at Wicked Improper for posting pictures of this tit whore.

"Cut off the head and we've really got something here"

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The Wednesday Wouldya?

Boston, MA – Ahhh, Summer time. I’m going to give you the top three signs that indicate Summer is officially here: the unmistakable chimes of the Ice Cream Man, the wafting smells of marinated meat sizzling over hot charcoal, and last but not least, walking into a rest stop on 495 and witnessing two gayers slowly touching helmets like they’re trying to re-create the famous fingertip scene from “E.T.”

Which brings us to this week’s Wednesday Wouldya? Yep, I know it’s Thursday. Well, there I was a couple of weeks ago, rubbing elbows with ol’ scrunchy face himself, Ben Cherington, the GM of the Red Sox. We were dining (separately) in the North End at Bricco (home of the $14 glass of Sangria) when I got to thinking about two very serious issues. One, why isn’t Ben somewhere else right now, playing “Pop Yo’ Dick” (popping his dick in and out of the mouths of a couple of Red Sox groupies), and two, Wouldya with his fiance Tyler Tumminia? Per usual I’ll start us off and let you know how I voted……drumroll…….I would. Yep, I know, shocker. This one caught me by surprise as well. For starters, I disagree with her decision to tell her hair stylist she wants the Chewbacca. And, we actually have no proof whether or not she has tightly bound awesome boobers (although my money is on “yes.”) But, she’s close enough to being famous that I could check “have consensual love-make with famous chick” off my bucket list.

(Please remember as you cast your vote whether or not you would nail Tyler to be respectful of others)

"Got Hair?"

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The Wednesday Wouldya?

Boston, MA – How about that Thunder/Heat game last night, huh? Once again, in the fourth quarter, LeBron James was yet again a non-factor. I haven’t seen a brother disappear like that since “Madea Went To Witness Protection.” Sorry, I was waiting all day for the right opportunity to make a joke and plug a movie all at the same time. Let’s talk a little bit about Catherine Grieg, shall we? There are two reasons why I say “a little bit”, and one reason is because you’re probably sick of this story, and the other reason is because some of the Bulgers and their associates may still roam the streets looking for someone to kill and bury under a snack bar on Tenean Beach in Quincy. Anyway, besides having the distinct honor of spending the last 16 years on the lam spread-eagled on a memory-foam mattress in Santa Monica, Catherine Grieg has been chosen to be this week’s Wouldya? Wouldya bang her? Per usual, I’ll go ahead and start us off and let you know how I voted….drumroll……I would. Yep, I know, shocker. Even to me, this one is a shocker. But you know what? Cathy G knows how to keep a secret (or two), so if things get silly in the bedroom you know it’s just between you two. She’s admittedly a fan of plastic surgery on her face, so, one would have to assume she had perfectly mounted fakies installed. I know her to be a lover of art and other objects, which is perfect because I have an object in my pants that I’d like to introduce to the two objects on her chest. This is love in the year 2012. Tittyfucking. It’s back, and I can think of no reason we shouldn’t get all lathered up and go bananas.

(Please be respectful of women, even the ones that are hard to look at as you make your selection below)

"Whitey's Slam Piece"

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The Wednesday Wouldya?

Boston, MA – Perhaps since the beginning of time, going back to when cavemen and Jesus were trying to make fire, every man’s goal in life has included trying to fuck twins. There is just something so magical about picturing one twin blowing you while the other one milks your balls that you almost have to believe that god really exists. How else could identical looking females be explained? And with all due respect to dwarves, twins are the original freaks. Now, I won’t sit here and pretend that I’ve had love-make with twins, because I haven’t. In fact, the closest I’ve come is when I was 16 and rubbed myself off between my sisters’ Raggedy Ann and Andy dolls. I know of at least one reader that’s going to have a very difficult time processing that.

Which brings us to today’s Wednesday Wouldya? Per usual, I’ll go ahead and start us off and let you know how I voted…..drumroll…..I would. Yep, I know, shocker. To be honest, but kind, there are a lot of things wrong with these two. I am not a fan of the hairdos or outfits, much like I wasn’t a fan of the denim overalls and ginger yarn on those dolls. I honestly don’t know what braces are going to do for the one on the right. You don’t have to wave at a camera. Get contact lenses. Insert/mount gigantic fakies. Other than that, good stuff.

(Please be respectful of others as you cast your vote)

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The Friday Wouldya?

Boston, MA – Wouldya? It’s literally the age-old question that men have been asking each other since the beginning of time. There may be evidence indicating cavemen started the first fire not for warmth or to cook food, but so they could parade cavegirl after cavegirl by at night and evaluate their pussies. Of course, over the years our methods of showing approval have changed, and while today you or I may stomp our foot on the ground and howl, it’s not longer acceptable to smash a woman’s head with a rock and nail her in the shrubs. You can Google this if you’d like, but they recently discovered some drawings going back to 24,000 B.C., and it depicts a man putting two fingers into a woman’s pussy and his pinky into her ass in what appears to be the very origin of The Shocker. The drawing also indicates that the preferred body shape of a woman had awesome tits with wide, receptive hips for angry, repeated thrusting. The more things change, the more things stay the same, and man will always want his penis to take anywhere from 1 to 45 minute vacations in a warm, humid poontanna (provided you’re not flat/gross.)

Which brings us to today’s Wouldya? Per usual, I’ll go ahead and start us off and let you know how I voted…..drumroll….I would. Yep, I know, shocker. Those tightly bound awesome boobers are pretty much all you need, and this is yet another example of how a woman really doesn’t even need a head. With that being said, leave the glasses on, baby, because the doppler in my pants is calling for a 100% chance of precipitation.

(Reminder: As you cast your vote, please be respectful of women)

"Boing"

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