Face versus Can Of Twisted Tea (Spoiler: Can Wins)

Happy New Year! If you were just sitting there having a mood like “you know what, I’d love to see a racist piece of shit take a 16oz. can of Twisted Tea to his face at immeasurable velocity, but I also want him to live long enough to accept seven punches”, then this is the video for you. This video is kind of like a Lay’s Potato chip, in that no one can have just one. You simply have no choice but to watch it repeatedly, and if someone has the technical ability to splice the video so the can smashes this cracker’s face on a loop, kind of like when Marcia Brady dreams about that basketball smashing Carol’s favorite vase over and over, I am here for it. But, instead of looping “don’t play ball in the house!”, make the audio into “don’t call the huge black guy at the 7-Eleven the n word!”

Probably the most puzzling thing about this video, besides the fact that meth head somehow didn’t die, is the part where he says “I’m not trying to disrespect you” and then starts dropping the n word like it’s hot (it isn’t.) That is literally the opposite of not disrespecting someone. And you know what, we could probably just blame the public school system for his poor English comprehension. It just goes to show that some people learn one way (i.e. reading books, listening to a teacher, looking at a chalkboard, etc.), and some people learn another way, like from real life experiences, such as blunt force trauma to their face. All it took for this guy to learn today’s lesson was having his face get nuked by a soft drink, and I guarantee you he will never use that word again.*

Honorable Mention: Shout out to the cashier who stands there absolutely stone faced, as if it’s second nature to end a shift by mopping blood and drawing chalk outlines around a customer’s dead body.

* – in public

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