"No, they're not calling for two Batmans"
Boston, MA – If I could make one wish today, it would be for all of our readers to leave a comment (below) to describe where they were on 9/11. I will start us off and share the order of events as witnessed through my eyes that tragic day. At the time, I was unemployed, so the day began around 1pm when I woke up to see if my unemployment check had been direct deposited. Of course, as we all know by now, the meticulously planned attacks of that day had already happened. Unknowingly, yet totally relaxed after confirming the free money was safely transferred to my account, I went to the computer and logged right into Xvideos because there was a new Asian porn I wanted to watch. This one guy (ONE guy) gets on an inflatable raft, and six hot Asian chicks (SIX) absolutely bury him with gallons of lube. It’s unbelievable. They all take turns massaging him, not just his dick, but like his thighs and calves and stuff. Then, they put all 6 or 12 hands on his dick, you honestly could have lost count, and start pounding it up and down, with a few of them taking turns blowing him and, believe it or not, a few of them end up fucking him. Not sure if that lube is meant for internal use, but what do I know? Anyway, they finished it as you would imagine, with a few hands tugging him off and a few of them catching it on their faces. I will never forget. I’m somewhat embarrassed to admit that I didn’t actually find out about 9/11 until 9/12. Little did I know at the time that myself and millions of people would simultaneously be using Kleenex, albeit for varying reasons. Where were you that day? Please share encouraging stories of triumph like mine so we can continue helping people to cope.
"Let's Kill This Guy Already"
Guantanamo Bay, Cuba (CNN) — Silence and the odd outburst from accused 9/11 mastermind Khalid Sheikh Mohammed and four others turned an arraignment that could have lasted minutes into a 13-hour court session at Guantanamo Bay on Saturday. Mohammed and the others — Walid Muhammad Salih, Mubarak bin ‘Attash, Ramzi Binalshibh, Ali Abdul Aziz Ali, and Mustafa Ahmed Adam al Hawsawi — appeared to work together to defy the judge’s instruction, refusing to speak or cooperate with courtroom protocol. Toward the end of the day, he took off his shirt while his attorney was describing injuries she alleged he sustained while in custody. At one point, bin ‘Attash made a paper airplane and placed it on top of a microphone. It was removed after a translator complained about the sound the paper made against the microphone.
First of all, why would the judge even waste his time trying to pronounce those names? Just say “bring out those four assholes.” Second, have I been asleep for 11 years? WTF is going on at Guantanamo Bay? These guys are still alive? Leave it to a defense attorney representing the worst mass murderers in the history of the world (besides Hitler, Genghis Khan, Edi Amin, and Cobra Command from G.I. Joe) to bring up the fact her client sustained injuries while in custody. Oh, the horror. Then, this guy had his hands free long enough during session to manufacture a paper airplane? A PAPER AIRPLANE? Immediate death! Immediate!
Now, for the life of me, I honestly don’t remember where I was on 9/11, but I do recall seeing some of the footage and it was very bad. Please cast your vote for an immediate Death Penalty when the evidence is kinda sorta obvious.