Suzanne Somers Turns 73 And Still Looks 33

Naked And Afraid: Three’s Company

Suzanne Somers of “Three’s Company”, and “Thighmaster”, just turned 73 years young, and boy oh boy that’s about as good as it gets for 73. After starring as a daft blonde with a great pair of cuckoo! cuckoos! in Three’s Company, Suzanne went on to shill Thighmaster’s flagship product, aptly named “Thighmaster”, which cemented her status as a total Shillf. This product probably works, but, like everything else, by using the power of marketing they led millions of housewives to actually believe that if you sat on your ass all day with this giant paper clip between your legs, you too could firm up your entire body.

Now, if you’re not familiar with “Three’s Company”, it was a sitcom in the 80’s about a guy who had to act gay so his landlord would let him live in the same apartment as two single women. You have to remember, this was the 1980’s when people were a bit more conservative, and things weren’t so out in the open like they are today, with people going thru this transitioning hocus pocus, injecting estrogen hormones, using pronouns, hacking off dicks, etc., etc., etFc.

The show starred John Ritter (who played Jack Tripper), Suzanne Somers (who played Chrissy Snow), and who was so hot you almost couldn’t watch an episode without having a box of tissues nearby. Oh, and as the title suggests, there was a third character, some mousy brunette who was always cock-blocking Jack. She’s like one of those chicks who’s so jealous of her hot friends, that instead of just going back to her room and dilling out, she has to submarine everyone else’s good time. Anyway, if you can believe it, the entire premise of the show revolved around Jack being so horny that he was constantly trying to sneak broads into the apartment. This led to a lot of predictable hijinx between he and his landlord, and even though you could see these scenarios coming a mile away, NBC continued to just stuff the laughtrack down your throat. Despite the inane plotline, as a young male viewer, you would just sit there, unblinking, with tented pantaloons the whole time rooting for Jack to finally have a threesome with Chrissy and whatshername. Of course, it never happened for Jack just like it never happened for me, and to date, the closest I’ve come to having a threesome was that time I got blown by a chick who was cross-eyed.

Now, if there’s one minor complaint I have about the picture above, it’s that Suzanne is among those amber waves of grain looking like she’s about to make a doody. Instead, I choose to remember her with this absurd contraption between her legs.

Editor’s Note: If you would like to tone up your thighs by doing this exercise for about 90 hours a week, please visit Suzanne Somers Thighmaster Gold and use the coupon code “Martin” to save absolutely nothing.

Disclaimer: Wicked Improper not responsible for torn ACL’s.