Boston, MA – If you just had to, had to, rob someplace for cash, what would be the last place you’d ever suspect? A tanning salon, right? Most tanning salons don’t handle cash and are membership based, and I know that because I’m a closet gayer who likes to get all slippery’d up with lotion and rub around on my belly inside tanning beds. Most places have a sign that says “Please wear undergarments while tanning”, but they’re not the boss of me. Enter these three idiots from Somerset, MA, Ashley Lezandro, Sheila Cabral, and Stacey Cabral, who allegedly robbed “Hot Bodeez”, where the clerk told police that the females brandished knives, demanded money, and then fled with an undetermined amount of cash. Following “an investigation”, police were able to identify the three suspects who were arrested several hours after the robbery. The suspects are charged with armed robbery while masked, conspiracy, and larceny under $250.

“What are you in for?”

“I robbed a tanning salon for $30 and several tubes of coconut-scented tanning accelerant.”

Genius. Anyway, we could literally sit here all day and ponder how dumb these three shitheads are, and it’s only a matter of time before we find out the clerk knew their voices, or one of them either used to work at Hot Bodeez or had a membership to mistreat her skin there. At the end of the day, or in this case, the beginning, let’s take a positive out of this thing and vote which one you’d rather bang.

(UPDATE! This chick WORKS at Hot Bodeez. She works there! I fucking knew it! Do I consider myself a detective? Well, yes, in the sense that her employment status is published for all to see. Also, this picture from her Facebook Page should definitely affect how you vote.)

Employers

 

1. Methy                                                           2. DSL’s                                               3. Ball Crusher