Damn, egg-shaped? Epstein got an egg-shaped dick? LMAO. There’s an image for you. Dude invites/kidnaps you to his island, yawns, casually drops his robe, and this little oval shaped, hard-boiled is hanging there. I know he is the very personification of evil, but how do you not point at that and laugh at him?
If there’s good news to any of this saga, at least this minor detail, pun intended, brings some humorous closure to this piece of shit. The last thing any of us needed to know was that he had a candlepin for a dick.
As most of you are aware, in today’s society, people oftentimes use the eggplant emoji to represent the dick. Here’s an example of a text message a gentleman like myself may send:
“Hey honey, I’ll be home later, how about some 🍆 and some 💦?”
Whereas Epstein’s texts would be like:
“You are currently being held captive on my island. Meet me in the human sacrifice arena with the others. We’ll all be wearing goat masks and nothing else, but you will recognize me once you see my 🥚”
Unreal. Egg Dick. lol. I hope someone chisels that nickname on his shitty tombstone. “Here Lies Egg Dick Epstein. Managed a hedge fund no one ever invested in, somehow had a billion dollars, and was gifted a $70 million apartment in NYC by the CEO of Victoria’s Secret.” ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Important Note: ABC had initially broomed/buried this story, but, after being exposed by Project Veritas, I guess they decided to try and save face by airing it. If you take anything from this story, let it be that the mainstream media is evil, and also that from now on Jeffrey Epstein shall be referred to as Egg Dick.