They just might save your life, is what I'm trying to say.
KSEE: A Canadian woman has her breast implants to thank for saving her life in a shooting committed by her ex boyfriend. Eileen Likness, of Calgary, testified at the trial of her ex-boyfriend Wednesday that if it weren’t for her surgically enhanced breasts, she would have been seriously hurt or even killed. ‘My implants took the brunt of the force.’
The victim explained that when Fernando Chora, 61, fired his 9mm handgun at her, a bullet grazed her right arm before piercing both her breast implants and left forearm. Likness said the projectile, which entered her right breast, grazed her chest plate and exited her left breast, destroying the silicone implants.
I’m going to make this short and sweet because I’m
1. Good call on making that 61 year old geezer your “ex.”
2. It will not be long before our government mandates breast implants as safety devices. No judgment on this one. How can you argue with the validity of this data?!
3. Haha, crazy Canadians. (And you can shove your pacifist accusations about gun-totin’ cowboys in the States up your collective ass.)
I guess this is just going to have to wait...
I know you guys said you wanted me to have a three-way w/ Mrs. Red and someone from the local MILF factory, and I appreciate that, but that could take years and cost thousands of lives. So instead I went with choice #2, and put in an order for the slab-sided barrel .357 you see below. I don’t really know how I’d ever carry that bastard concealed, but at least I’ll be ready when the zombies come.
"Oh yeah. You could kill a deer with that .357." - Red's neighbor, this morning
What are you talking about? She has mounds of talent.
Barbara Walters recently added “The Kardashians” to her list of the Top 10 Most Fascinating People of 2011, and then on her show she proceeded to bash them for sucking c0ck on film and generally having no talent. No talent?! Have you SEEN KK’s orbs? She says they’re natural too, not that it matters. (“You don’t lick the insides.” ™) She obviously has talent. She’s wh0red it up for years online and on E TV, and yet she still has bozos lining up to marry her for six seconds at a pop, each time pocketing another multi-million dollar bauble to add to her collection.
And meanwhile you have Barbara, 82, g@sh, haggard, no talent herself, ripping these people for doing what they do best: Kim: online p0rn, The Other One: crying about a failed marraige, Khloe: Mainlining donuts and emasculating Lamar Odom. What’s her problem? Did she not sell advertising for this segment? You bet your fame whoring, conniving, meddling mother she did. So f*ck off and let the KK’s be. They deserve all the happiness in the world. They’re better than us.
Although I don’t know why she didn’t select Jennifer Lee Nolan as one of the top 10. Weight loss done right: Lose a bunch, add some T-Babs, and get your ass in the water.
"Jen darling, the shirt's not revealing enough. Here, let me cut into the top of it so at least some of your cleavage shows."
Alex Rodriguez is getting one next.
When someone votes with his money, ie, places a bet, or makes a purchase, he’s putting something that he has on the line in the hope that he will gain from the risk he’s taking and/or the investment he’s making.
When an NFL player suits up and walks on the field Sunday, he’s putting his health, his teeth, his ability to walk when he’s 40, all on the line, hoping to win the game and another gargantuan paycheck, and of course, to maintain the ability to continue to bang your wives and girlfriends when he’s on the road. When Brett Favre emails a pic of his hog to a fawning chippie, he’s hoping she’ll do what countless scores of other groupies have done, and offer to clean it with her tonsils. (As is her duty, per the rules of polite society when it comes to celebrities and professional athletes.)
Every action bears with it some degree of risk, see? But the rewards for long odds are huge returns. That’s why this guy is to be commended for his actions. Sure, he risks Tebow, in all his celibate glory, being traded to another team when Denver trades up for Matt Barkley, or that Tebow will have his d1ck torn off after only seven career starts by some 300 pound monster who runs a 4.9 40, and is there any question that he’s been forcibly tossed from the closet where he has undoubtedly spent the first 20 or so years of his life (no judgment), but that’s the price you pay for being exalted as a trailblazer, b1tch.
Guilty of violating a time-honored social compact
ps – Thanks to Lefty for that
horrible, horrible fantastic body art!
Remain calm for all is well.
Red Sox have lost 17 in a row, the Tampa Bay DEVIL Rays are gaining from behind, the Yankees have claimed first place for themselves, and Red Sox Nation is jumping ship faster than Billy Zane (Yes I did). Now what? I’ll tell you: Tim Wakefield steps up and delivers a performance for the ages vs. the Toronto Blue Jays to steady the course, simple as that. Everyone else in the dugout is sh1tting the bed until Old Man Tim steps to the mound, pats them on the head, flutters a few 60 mph butterflies over the plate, and almost single-handedly puts them all to bed with a win. Slump, dead. Rays, dead. Talk about Clemens being better for the Sox than Wakefield, dead.
The railbirds are calling him old and pathetic, and branding his quest for career win #200 detrimental to the team. Well guess what? This year, when he’s out of the rotation, the Sox are 5-21. With him in, they’re 81 and 40. He’s not a curse to the team, he’s the glue that’s holding their playoff hopes alive. Some are asking why he was such a blubbering mess after last night’s win if he’s all about team and not about personal achievements. Little known fact, he literally cries with joy after EVERY Red Sox win, whether he was playing or not, that’s how much he cares. But fans want to toss him in the cage with the bearded lady and the rest of the circus freaks. Truth is he should start four or five of their remaining 15 games if the Sox know what’s good for them.
Another little known fact: Billy Zane and Kelly Brook used to be an item. Yep. "That" Billy Zane.