Boston, MA – If you don’t listen to Howard Stern, let me bring you up to speed on what is perhaps the most historic bet in the history of mankind. Every guy has been asked this question at least once in his life: “How much money would it take for you to give a blowjob?” Obviously, this isn’t the blog for our gayer audience, because there’s probably a couple of you with your mouth full of shaft and giving a double-nut tickle right now as you read this. For you other guys, the ones that still look around before you take a bite of a banana so no one thinks you’re enjoying it more than you should, this is a tough one. The two guys involved from Howard’s show, Richard Christy and Ronnie Mund, are both straight. However, when someone presents you with $1 million each, after taxes, to have Richard suck Ronnie’s dick, your true sexual preference becomes a bit of a gray area. Now, Ashley Madison (.com), who for a small monthly fee will introduce you to other married people to cheat with so you can both burn in Hell for eternity (but with good memories), has offered up the $2 million cash. Apparently they’ve found a niche.

Of course, if you’re like me, your first question would be “Does Ronnie have to cum in Richard’s mouth?” Unfortunately, the answer is yes. My second thought was “If I’m Ronnie, I’d just close my eyes and think of Kate Upton.” The answer to that is ‘no’, because he can have no visual aids and has to look at Richard while he gobbles his ganoozle. My biggest complaint so far is, why do they get the same payout? I have no problem saying this to anyone that will read or listen: I would rather take a blowjob from a guy than give one. I feel like Richard should get double because, a.) he has to take another guy’s hairy old dick into his mouth, and b.) has to finish him and swallow his load. That’s the part I can’t get over, and could barely eat my hot oatmeal this morning.

Which brings us to the question: How much would it take for you to blow a guy? (to completion)

$1 million after taxes is awesome. That’s like $1.5 million. However, to be honest, my number is much higher. I need enough money to leave this region behind forever, as well as purchase about 11 million Altoids. Seriously, once I’m finished and wiping my mouth, you’ll never ever meet someone with mintier breath. Anyway, my number is $5 million, after taxes. Which I guess brings us to two questions. One, how much would it take for you to blow a guy, and, two, would anyone out there with $5 million like to take me to dinner this Friday?