You probably know your fair share of bar tricks. I’ve seen a bartender use a dinner napkin to pull a cork from the bottom of an empty wine bottle. Neato. Another trick that is more like a joke is when a bartender tells you that they’re not a bartender at all, but a “Mixologist.” Now I’ve been thinking about my own tricks, and there’s one in particular that I’d like to share with you.
Take out a dollar bill, any denomination. Try to find one that’s been in circulation for a while, because if you want to impress the ladies you’ll need a fairly pliable bill. Now, hold it up and make sure there are no wires or strings attached to it. Okay, holding the bill the long way at the ends using your thumbs and forefingers, gently connect the ends so the bill makes an oval-shaped cylinder. Hold it up to a light source, like your monitor, or the awful fluorescent lights over your cube, and have a peek-a-boo through that hole. Congratulations! You just measured the circumference of my dick.
If I was an award winning porn star with a stutter, my stage name would be Colin Girth.