Boston, MA – Can someone please tell me what the plot or theme is for “The Wendy Williams Show?” As far as I can tell, she spends an hour on her couch with those two one-gallon gravy bags and tells you about the awesome parties she and her rich friends attended. The audience is full of squawking (unemployed?) hens that go absolutely apeshit (thanks to an “applause” sign going off every 5 seconds) as she namedrops one celebrity after the other.
Wendy: “Kelly Ripa was there!”
I almost dare you to watch all 2 minutes of this shit. My wife and I came to an agreement regarding the television programming our Pug can watch while we’re at work, and unfortunately, Fox is one of the allowed networks. Part of me thinks some of her leg twitching nightmares revolve around running from that monster, Nancy Grace.
(Spoiler: The place erupts at the mention of Susan Sarandon, who was in “Thelma and Louise” 25 years ago and was most recently seen getting pried off of Tim Robbins’ ganoozle so he could trade up for a newer model, literally.)
Boston, MA – I simply could not wait until Saturday to bring you this update. Couldn’t do it. The suspense is killing me, and I already know how this story ends so I can’t imagine what you must be going through. Now, let me be clear, we aren’t poking fun at drug or alcohol addiction, or even what appears to be a mild case of the cuckoos, but we are poking fun at, in my esteemed opinion, a combination of all three of those.
Do I dislike my neighbor? Not at all. Do I wish she wouldn’t scream her fucking head off in broad daylight when my windows are open during NBC’s coverage of the Bay Hill Invitational? I kinda do, yeah. Do I tell kids in my neighborhood not to Trick or Treat at her place? Absolutely. Usually I’ll say something like “I would pass on the white house. That is, unless you want stale pizza crust and a packet of black tar heroin.” Do some of the parents wish I hadn’t used my iPad2 to show the kids a YouTube video of how to put the tar on a spoon and then slowly wave a lighter under it until it liquifies? I believe they do now, yes, and I can see why they would have preferred I just stuck with the program and simply handed out Kit-Kats.
Without further adieu (after the paragraph you have to read first), here is Part Two of “Will My Insane Neighbor Get Into Her House?” and you can see Part One HERE as well as enter to win our Wicked Improper Flip Flops or Thong. Obviously, I’m not going to enter our contest, but I think I’d probably go with the flip flops. Plus, that thong looks like it was made for a really big pussy, but I’ll check with Red to see what sizes they come in. Probably S (small), M (medium), L (large) and BP (big pussy.) Who knows, maybe I just coined a new acronym for how guys describe women, like, “Remember that chick I met online that told me she was really into fitness? Nope, she was a total BP.” Anyway, if they have a size for that female Gulliver from yesterday’s blog(s), I don’t want to know about it. j/k. I do.