Boston, MA – Well, I’m off to kind of a weird start this morning. My wife whipped open the shower curtain to find me just kind of tugging at it, trying to stretch it out while daydreaming about what it would be like to have elephant trunk-like control with my dick. It would be amazing, not to mention quite the time-saver, if it could reach over and grab the soap to wash its’ own berries while I shampoo my hair. Your daydreams might be different, but in mine I command it to rinse me off at the end like I’m getting powerwashed, and then I give it a few peanuts. Anyway, I don’t know if it can be attributed to the steam or the changing of the Seasons, but my dick hasn’t looked this long since I took it out in front of one of those silly mirrors at Chuck E. Cheese.
Which brings us to this week’s “Wednesday Wouldya?” For those of you that read us from the middle of nowhere, like North Carolina, the Texas Panhandle, and Fall River, you may not have heard of NESN’s Jenny Dell. So far, she’s been one of the bright sp(o)(o)ts of the 2012 Boston Red Sox. This could be the easiest “Wouldya?” in Wicked Improper History, but quite frankly, I didn’t feel like doing a Google Image search for a one-eyed shemale today. I’m in too good a mood from this morning’s stretch. Anyway, per usual, I’ll start us off and let you know how I voted…..drumroll…..I would. Yep, I know, shocker. Her body is in tip-top shape, so you know she’s not eating unnecessary carbs with Summer just around the corner like most of you. I ‘almost’ can’t get past her Tom Brady-like bumchin dimple, but I bet she’s cool and would let you cover it with your iPad2 to watch videos of girls making out. Anyway, this seems like the perfect opportunity to re-release my hit single “Baboosh”, which is really a poem about Jenny that just so happens to be set to music. (Hit ‘Play’ and then send this to everyone you know while it’s free for a limited time.)
"And the score is...oh, wait, who cares."
Boston, MA – Well, with their season in jeopardy, the Red Sox find themselves currently mired in a 1-game skid. However, there are two things that are very evident to this reporter about this season: Jenny Dell’s Gravy Bags. That’s the g(o)(o)d news. The bad news is, their pitching staff is mediocre at best, and it turns out I have better things to do with my time than watch grown men try to hit a ball over a fence. Before you lube yourself up watching “Top Plays” on SportsCenter, remember, any one of us could turn a double play or dive behind third base to catch a line drive. Speaking of hitting into inning-ending double plays, I already miss Jason Varitek.
Anyway, here’s another dope hip-hop track by DJ Martin Munson. It’s called “Girl From TV That Me And My Penis Want To Take To Dinner”, and all you gotta do is hit play.
"I'll give you 'In-n-Out"
New Jenny Dell Song Just Released HERE!
Boston, MA – Take a look at this ass, ladies. You LOOK at it. Note the curves, the bounce effect, and how it appears the asshole is eating the pants that are enveloping it. That is how your ass is supposed to look. Also, notice how the owner of the ass can multitask and whisk up a box of mashed potatoes on her electric range. Is she the perfect woman? We may never know, but I’d be willing to bet if we could spin her around and get a look at the boobers, it’s not some flat-chested grossy that no one would look at on the beach. “Come on, Martin, it’s not always about the breasts.” No, it’s not, it begins with the ass, unless she’s facing you, then it begins with the boobers. “But what about a smile and nice eyes?” Eventually, yeah, I mean, when you’re eating dinner it’s not like your date is going to be balancing on her chair with her back to you, eating salad with her ass, so I will concede to that. At the same time, you could still Mission Accomplish and get your bang on even if you put a pillow case over her head. You know, at Wicked Improper, where we keep the dream of chivalry alive, it’s important that you ask that special someone permission before covering her face so you can imagine somebody prettier or famous. You know how sometimes you get frustrated as you’re just hammering away, hammering away, trying to finish one up before SportsCenter? Why not be a gentleman and ask politely, “Pardon me, would you mind if I balanced my iPad2 on your face and played a video of Kate Upton?”
This is what I like about Wicked Improper. We’re basically giving you the keys to unlock the mysterious poontanna, and it’s free of charge. What a country this is. Now let’s look at some ass.
"Permission to launch has been granted"
(p.s. That Ass does not belong to Jenny Dell. Sorry. Although she probably has one like it.)
"Jenny F'ng Dell"