Boston, MA – This is kind of a bittersweet blog for me today. On one hand, I’ve been very blessed to be an unpaid writer for Wicked Improper over the past 6 months. On the other hand, I’m going to quit when I get $3 million for the piece of toast pictured below. I always thought those people that saw images of the Virgin Mary in a window, or a picture of Moses on grilled cheese were full of shit, but not anymore. At first, the image on my toast startled me. This could finally be the proof I’ve been looking for after many blogs where I insinuated that Jesus could have been a gayer all along. At the very least, even the skeptics would have to agree that my Wonder Bread toast proves that he could have been Bi. Even though he was considered by most to be a mediocre carpenter at best, we do know that Jesus had a “special assistant” named Gregory that would tag along to job sites. There are historical documents showing the other carpenters filed several complaints against Jesus and Gregory for creating an uncomfortable work environment. As one carpenter claimed: “Yeah, I’m up on the fuckin’ scaffoldin’, and this fuckin’ queen Gregory is wearin’ a half cut t-shirt and tight shorts, wigglin’ his ass over the edge of Jesus’ chariot, sayin’ shit like ‘yoo hoo! Jesus! Almost time for lunch break’ and pretendin’ to put a broom handle into his mouth while his tongue pushes his cheek out. Hey, I don’t got time for this shit, I got a fuckin’ steeple ta build, ya know?”

Anyway, I believe that it’s Gregory you can clearly see creeping in from the left hand side of the toast.

This toast is for sale and the starting bid is $15. Please, no tire kickers or offers just to come look at the toast. Please forward this to as many people as possible as some of the proceeds from the sale are not going to charity. Serious inquiries only to: martin@wickedimproper.com.