Felicity Huffman Reports To Prison But Will Be Out In 13 Wake-Ups

When bae takes the fall for you

Felicity Huffman, known for playing such dynamic roles as William H. Macy’s wife, has graciously reported to prison. It’s interesting to note that she’s ‘reporting’ to prison, whereas you or I would simply be dragged there.

Anyway, this is the thanks she gets for trying to be a good parent. She wanted the best for her kid, and what is the point of having all that money if you can’t send $15,000 to a company who will rub their genie lamp and magically improve your dimwitted kid’s SAT scores? You want your kid who’s been getting lackluster grades for the past four years to go to an Ivy League School, no problem, send in your 15k. You want your kid to go to community college, do what my parents did, send me in to take the test completely unprepared, and cross your fingers as the kid randomly fills in the dots. They should have known the results would be sub par when they allotted three hours to complete the test, and I was back in mommy’s car twelve minutes later asking for a Happy Meal.

In closing, the picture above says it all. In my opinion, and in an effort to protect her husband, Felicity practiced omerta, which is the Italian code for “silence”, or, as it’s more currently translated “keep your fucking mouth shut.” Look at her face in that picture, she’s like, I did what needed to be done and took one for the team, see you in two weeks, bitch. Then look at Macy’s face and tell me he’s not thinking, shit, when she gets back I’m going to have to buy her a Tesla.