"Timothy Day, You Sir Are A Meat Pounder"

Boston.com - Using DNA evidence, MBTA Transit Police have arrested a Maryland man for an alleged sexual assault on a woman on the Green Line in 2004 — two years after he allegedly committed a similar offense on the Metro system in the Washington, D.C., area. Timothy L. Day is to be arraigned today in Suffolk Superior Court on a charge of indecent assault and battery on a 23-year-old woman from Boston on June 22, 2004. Authorities earlier today said Day was a Virginia man, but have now clarified that he is currently a Bethesda, Md., resident. According to Lewis Best, deputy Transit Police chief, the woman boarded a crowded B Line outbound trolley on a day that the Red Sox were playing at Fenway Park. Day allegedly boarded the same train at Copley Square station and positioned himself behind the woman as the train progressed towards Kenmore Square, Best said. During the ride, Day allegedly touched himself inappropriately and also touched the woman, Best said. As the woman exited the train, she discovered biological material on the exterior of her purse and her pants, Best said. The woman summoned Transit Police, who collected the biological material and submitted it to the Boston police crime lab in 2004.

There are right ways to meet women during your commute, such as showing her flowers on your iPhone and saying “I picked these for you” (I just thought of that) and there are wrong ways to meet women, such as jackhammering your dick between stops and shooting your jism launch onto her business suit. What else can you say, Timothy Day is a classic meat pounder. He might be the Prince of Pound. His Pound knows no bounds. Little did he know back in 2002 (in DC) and 2004 (in Boston!) that loads he was just blasting out all willy nilly would someday find themselves being scrutinized in a crime lab petri dish and eventually leading the police back to his trousers. Now, I’ve been over this (and over this) but I am absolutely terrified of prison. If you ever go in, you want/need a cool story so the rest of the inmates and their cocks don’t spend cold nights wearing your asshole for a mitten. You want an example of a cool story? Robbing an armored car and firing bullets at cops. You want an example of bad story? Being a meat pounder that supersoaked some lady’s Louis Vuitton bag.

On another note, I find it amusing that someone’s job is to match loads in some kind of huge, bleachy smelling database of cum. I bet the Forensics College leaflet conveniently leaves out the part about how you’ll spend most of your days surrounded by 5 gallon buckets of “like, totally rando” whack liquid. Granted, they probably have a more scientific name for it than that. Anyway, Timothy Day will have plenty of time to pound his meat now that’s he’s going to prison, the biggest whack facility ever created by man. One Meat Pounder down, many, many to go.