Boston, MA (and recently in Beyonce’s Vagina) – Hola! Something is fishy here. Like, crispy fish tacos fishy. This kid looks like Jay-Z about as much as I look like Jay-Z, as in, “nada.” Blue Ivy kind of looks more like a Benjamin Bratt/Mario Lopez hybrid. I can almost picture that kid coming out of the swaddle with maracas, a tequila shot whistle, and dainty little fingers that are perfect for rolling tamales.
And now, thanks to our Wicked Improper Genetics Decoder, we took a virtual synthetic egg of Beyonce’s and mashed it up with a virtual synthetic load of Jay Z, and out the other side came what you see below in Exhibit A. Then we did the same thing with a virtual synthetic blast from the suave, “don’t blink or he’ll bang ya” Benjamin Bratt, and you will see those results in Exhibit B.
(Disclaimer: Wicked Improper not suggesting Benjamin Bratt is the father. Wicked Improper not responsible for you drawing your own conclusions that the baby looks half-Spanish. Wicked Improper for entertainment purposes only. Wicked Improper afraid of lawsuits, so before considering filing, realize that we literally have no assets. Wicked Improper likes Hip Hop. Wicked Improper likes making it rain in clubz. Wicked Improper just wants everyone to laugh and have a good time. Wicked Improper would not “Like” a Facebook page titled “Pending Litigations Against Wicked Improper.” Wicked Improper reserves the right to remove this blog after receiving a cease and desist order.)