Boston, MA – A lot of you have emailed or commented and asked “Martin, what would you consider perfect boobers?” This. This is what I would consider perfect boobers, and this is what it’s like to own them. You literally just take your shirt off anywhere and you are instantly the life of the party. “But Martin, what about smaller boobs, or flat chested women?” Sure, yeah, definitely, there’s a place for women like that, like on a far away island or on another planet. If we need a test group to send to the first habitat on the Moon, it should be mandatory that Flatties are in the test group to see if humans can survive there. And, not to cause widespread panic, but there’s actually a meteor the size of Texas heading towards Earth right now, and there’s a 1 in 672 chance that it will hit us. If all the flat chicks on Earth got together and formed some kind of gross flat chested pyramid, we might be able to sustain the collision. Granted, there will obviously be some loss of life, but nothing any of us would really miss.

"Ta-Da!"

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