Boston, MA – This just in. Apparently there’s a Wicked Improper sticker that we did not, repeat ‘did not’ fasten to the inside of an elevator at the Harvard Vanguard Medical Building in Kenmore Square. When we send our stickers out to anyone that wants one, we always put a legal disclaimer that looks something like this:
1. Do not lick the back of the Wicked Improper sticker. It already has an adhesive that is sticky to begin with, and that’s probably how it got its’ name.
2. Although we originally promised “hours and hours” of fun with the sticker, the total elapsed time of enjoyment is really more like 6 seconds.
3. Wicked Improper not responsible for overwhelming sense of boredom after applying the sticker.
4. Although we do not condone defacing public property, we would like it if you would put the sticker someplace with high foot traffic, like on the front door of Pottery Barn, or in the changing room at your local Rub n’ Tug.
5. If you accidentally put the sticker on your balls, do not try to get it off by rubbing peanut butter all over it. That only works for gum, apparently.
6. Do not place the sticker over a baby’s mouth, even if you think it will help them sleep or kind of shush them when you need some peace and quiet.
7. If someone, like the police, ask you where you got that sticker, please honor our code of silence. If you divulge any information about me, Red, or our blog, we will assume you have gone rogue and are dead to us.
8. Do not put stickers on your car that represent how many people are in your family and your pets. That is so gay you can almost smell the penis. Also, do not put stickers on your car that say things like “Rachel” and then mention her dance studio and location. You’ve spent your child’s entire life protecting them, but now you’re basically baiting sex offenders and pedophiles to approach your kids armed with their first name. Are you fucking stupid? (This one has nothing to do with the Wicked Improper sticker, just more like a PSA.)
9. Wicked Improper is an equal opportunity swag provider. We treat all of our readers the same, whether you’re black or just very tan, white, a gayer, a dwarf, a jewski, or even a dunce that robs tanning salons, we appreciate you.
10. Other than that, please enjoy the sticker! Remember to have fun!
Thanks to Mikey O for sending us the picture. If you’d like a free Wicked Improper sticker with no obligation, just email Red or Martin @ wickedimproper.com today!