I saw a PSA yesterday about something or other, I think making sure you plug in your carbon monoxide detector so your kids don’t end up like Vitas Geruliatis, which is a total bartman. It got me thinking – there are all kinds of PSAs out there to remind parents to do something for their kids to make them better people, like make them drink milk (brought to you by your friends at the National Dairy Council!), or look both ways before you cross the road so you don’t turn into a real-life game of Frogger (brought to you by your friends at Michelin!). First Ladies have taken up lofty causes like the war on drugs (Nancy “Oh sh1t, Ronnie’s naked on the lawn again!” Reagan), literacy (Laura “I’ll bet she was a beav back in the day but the elder Bush (CIA) had all old photos burned” Bush), and childhood obesity (Michelle “I’m not proud to be an American unless you elect my husband” Obama).
Yep, no shortage of messages out there telling you about what a horrible parent you are for not giving your kids one thing or another. Except I never see one biggie that I think would cover all of the others, and I mean ALL of them. I’d like to see a PSA from someone, somewhere, saying “Hey, if you don’t want a generation of fat, drunk, stupid layabouts lying around in the street protesting something, try a little
tenderness f*cking discipline. It’d resonate especially well during the holiday season. I’m not talking Old Testament (capped!) fire and brimstone stuff, just your simple, basic “the buck stops here” kind of thing.
“Is your whiny brat executing a perfect boneless chicken in the aisle of Toys*R*Us because you refuse to get him the latest $800 app machine from Apple? Pick him up by the scruff of the gd neck and march him right the f*ck out of the store, NOW.”
“Did little Suzie “forget” that she had homework over the weekend, but remember on Sunday night at 8pm? How about turn the f*cking television off once in a while?”
How about a firm response to the common childhood refrain “THAT’S NOT FAIR!!!” You don’t have to punch them in the face, but at least ask them who exactly promised them a “fair” go of it?
Maybe if we all got behind THIS public service announcement, we’d start building a generation of hard working, literate, conscientious people who strive to improve themselves and their lives every day, instead of this rabble.