BEVERLY — Sen. John Kerry has written a letter to the Department of Homeland Security in support of a gay couple from Beverly. One of the women faces the prospect of deportation to Pakistan because the federal government does not recognize their marriage. Kerry said the deportation would not only tear apart a married couple but would place the Pakistani woman in harm’s way. “She is certain that if she is forced to return to Pakistan, her life will be in danger, not only because of her sexual orientation and her marriage to a United States citizen, but for religious reasons as well,” Kerry wrote.

Wow, you talk about a triple whammy. Not only did she marry a US Citizen and has some religious shit going on, but she’s also a gayer. Come on, Pakistan, embrace equality and lesbianism. It’s a shame when you think of what the mainstream media has done to us, because like you and Pakistan, I can’t imagine lesbians doing anything but dilling each other out all day. I’m sure they do regular normal people shit, too, like food shop and the laundry, but I bet they can’t wait to get back home to that dill. There are companies out there that also make double-ended dildos, I guess for those times when they can’t remember whose turn it is to dill out the other one, so they each put an end in and go to town. If you think about it, it kind of looks like that scene from Disney’s “Lady and The Tramp” when they’re sharing that same noodle of spaghetti, but instead of mouths eventually sharing a sweet kiss, it’s two smelly pussies smacking off each other. Anyway, I first discovered the double-ended dildo in Shop Therapy in Provincetown, and when I turned around in the store mid-yawn just kind of minding my own business, one of them was hanging from the ceiling like a boa constrictor and went 5 inches into my mouth.

Pictured below are the two lezzers whose names are being witheld for their protection. One of them is from Pakistan (guess) and the other one is on the left. Congratulations from Wicked Improper on your upcoming nuptuals. We understand that sexual orientation is biological and not a choice, because no guy would choose to put another guys hairy dick into his mouth unless he was just wired that way. May you share a lifetime of love, compassion, and tender moments just like a regular couple would, only with many years of vibing each other off and bean smashing.

"You may now kiss the bri...wait, which one of you is...well, just make out."