Super Bowl » Wicked Improper

While You Were Crying About The Super Bowl, The Patriots Were Dancing

Gronk: "WE WON!" Matt Light: "No, Gronk, we had the 17 and they had the 21." Gronk: "oh, right, 21 bigger than 17."

(Photo Courtesy of Deadspin. Click image for more.)

Boston, MA – The following is a dramatization of the two idiots pictured above.

Rob Gronkowski: “Yay! We lost Super Bowl 21-17! I thought we won but Matt Light reminded me about numbers. Me got puzzled when confetti came down. Team come close to doing good, we just didn’t make enough play that was good. My ankle feel good. Me feel good enough to get hyped and dance. Let’s take shirts off! You go first Matt Light! OMG! You still have windburns on your belly sides from pass rushers blowing by you last Super Bowl! YAY!”

Matt Light: “Gronk, take off your shirt! Do you know any two syllable words?! This is awesome! PARTY! My favorite part of the game is when Tom Coughlin Belichicked us by intentionally putting 12 men on the field! LOL! It took 9 seconds off the clock and we gained 5 yards! Wheeeeeee! I hope the fans are okay back in Boston!”

Gronkowski: “Duh..the who?”

Light: “Exactly.”

Win or lose, these guys are on vacation while you sit on your mashed up balls and taint all day long at some job you hate. I’d like to get you out of your funk by saying “pitchers and catchers report in 6 weeks”, but let’s face it, those guys don’t give a fuck about the fans, either. You know who actually does give a fuck night in and night out and they STILL don’t get the respect they deserve (besides all of the beautiful poontanna they smashed last summer?) The Boston Bruins.

Public Apology to Kristine Leahy (but “Thank You” to BiBi Jones)

"oh my god do I apologize"

Boston, MA – It’s kind of a bittersweet day for us here at Wicked Improper. Last night, BiBi Jones tweeted our blog and nearly melted our servers (and our hearts. Aww.) Go see BiBi tonight at Alex’s in Stoughton if you like seeing beautiful women naked. If you’re not into that kind of thing, welcome gay readers! Maybe you’d like to slip into something a little more comfortable and read our blog about Barney Frank’s wedding. But now, as promised, we will publicly apologize for being dickheads to Kristine Leahy at Fox25 News.

Dear Kristine Leahy,

On January 26th, 2012, I posted an unfair blog titled “Gronk Spike Fail” in which you, and your video from the rooftop of Fox25, were the subject. Although I’m a diehard Boston sports fan, as well as a Fox25 News fan, as well as a Kristine Leahy fan (I follow you from roughly 60 phony Twitter accounts so you can never carve me out of your life), I was running a temperature of 103 with Gronk Fever and wanted everyone to stop talking about it. I was also in a bad mood because I was shut off from consuming more alcohol at Scoreboard in Woburn the night before, although that has nothing to do with your video.

When I came across your Gronk video, I admit that I was too quick to judge (kind of like a certain waitress in Woburn.) After calming down and reviewing the video 30 times, a few of them in super slo-mo, I’ve come to realize that not only did you throw a pretty tight spiral, but your form was better than Scott Zolak’s. While I’m fairly certain this apology will never be accepted, I’d like to publicly say that I’m sorry for my nasty response, and I’m also sorry for my poor choice of words, especially that part about attempting to court you in my Camry.

Now let’s talk about the results of our poll, where our faithful readers mostly disagreed with my assumption.

52 votes, a whopping 65% of people that took the poll answered: “Who cares, she’s hot”

16 votes, at 20%, people answered: “She’s better than Billy Cundiff”

The rest of our readers combined for a measly 15%, and I’d like to take this opportunity to not share those answer options. For those readers that want to see the original blog, or vote on the video, please visit here.

For those of you that would like to follow Kristine Leahy from one Twitter account (or more), visit here.

Sincerely,

Martin

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